The Autry Adventure

Here I Am....

2009-01-28T09:20:00.000-08:00

So, I'm not sure if anyone is still reading this or not. I know it's been a ridiculously long time since I have posted. And I know that if any of you have been following this blog for a time, I sort of just left you hanging at the climax of this whole adoption journey. But the truth is that it has taken me quit some time to process through everything.

Kaplan Thomas Autry was born on December 23rd, 2008. He weighed in at 7 lbs and 7 ounces and was 18 1/2 inches long.

We got the call Monday afternoon (after our we discovered our fridge had gone out and we had to go buy a new one) that Kaplan's birth mom (whom I will refer to as A. from now on) was going to be induced the following morning at 6 a.m. Amazingly enough, I wasn't running around the house screaming in excitement. Not that I thought I would, but sometimes I do have a flare for dramatics. Actually, I just took down some last minute notes and did some last minute preparations. Most of which included getting all of our food back into our new fridge.

Sleep also came pretty easily that night. I feel this was a gift, because now....well....sleep doesn't come so easily. We woke up the next morning at 5:30. We didn't want to get to the hospital right when A. was getting there. We wanted her to have some time and not feel as though we were over excited or feel that we were just interested in her baby. It also happened that it was icing that morning and I got my monthly visitor. I mean, really we didn't expect anything less. We are the Autry's.

We arrived at the hospital and we just didn't know what to expect. There was a big part of me that was just expecting this whole experience to be gut wrenching and horrible. While a life was being brought into the world, a mother was also giving up her child. How can that be a pleasant experience? How could we not feel like we were baby snatchers? I must say now though, that I really am glad I had bad expectations. That may sound harsh or like I'm a negative person, but the hospital experience was so smooth and peaceful and it so far outweighed my expectations.

We went in to see A as soon as we arrived. She was doing good and we sat with her for a few hours and just got to know her even more. That time to me is priceless. It's a legacy that we will be able to pass down to Kaplan. She is not just a face or a fictional person we will tell him about. We got to know her heart, her likes and dislikes and her sense of humor (which is very similar to ours and we think pretty fantastic).

Most of that day was spent in the waiting room. I was a bundle of nerves all day. I had a lulling ache in my stomach that just wouldn't go away. Jamie and I tried to play cards or watch the waiting room television, but we just couldn't focus on much of anything.

We went back in to see A. later in the afternoon and she was in much more pain. She was grimacing and we could tell she didn't need a lot of visitors. We told her she could reach us in the waiting room. We really wanted her to be as comfortable as she possibly could. As we were leaving her room the guy who gives the big nice shot (because I can't spell the word that he actually is) was coming in to hopefully relieve some of her pain. We went back in the waiting room and about 10 minutes later A's mom came out and said she was fully dialated. About five minutes after that the waiting room phone rang and Jamie answered it. A said "he's here! do you guys want to come back and meet him". Jamie couldn't believe it was her because she sounded so calm. He asked "who is this?". Seriously. That is my husband.

We immediately went back. I can't quit describe to you what was going on with me during all of this. It was so different than how I played it out in my mind. I thought I would be all weepy and thinking of this sweet little baby who would be placed in my arms. But that is not how it was at all. We were first thinking of A and how she was doing. We wanted things to be as easy as possible for her. While we were elated to see and hold Kaplan, we wanted her to know that we loved her and we wanted her to be ok.

There really wasn't that "moment" where we held him for the first time and knew this was our child. Well, not in the hospital. I don't know if it's maternal instinct or what, but all I knew is that this baby was now my responsibility and I didn't quite know what to do, but I wanted to be the one to figure it out.

Thankfully the hospital was generous enough to give us our own room and they put A. in the room next to us. They came in and gave me a bracelet so I could get our little man out of the nursery. I called the nursery and they told me I had to wait an hour. How awful! I know they need to do all their business, but that was very hard! By that time A was in her room and we had been communicating with her. She asked if when we got him from the nursery if we could bring him in to her. Of course we could. We wanted her to be the one calling the shots. We felt this would ease her transition. And like I said, we just wanted everything to be as smooth as possible for her. But I have to admit, this was a little hard for me. I had held Kaplan in the delivery room and that was all. I couldn't wait to get my hands on him and look him all over. I wanted to know if he had any birthmarks or a crooked toe. I needed to hold him and stare at him away from everything and everyone else. But, that couldn't happen at that time.

We got him from the nursery and took him into see A. What a sweet moment. He looks just like her. You could feel the love she had for him oozing out into the room. She knew exactly what to do as she fed him and changed him and cuddled him up. We sat and talked with her for a few hours it seemed like. We wanted her to have some time alone with Kaplan, so a little before 11:00 that night we went back to our room. I have to tell you that was the hardest thing to do. I broke down once we got in the room. Jamie just stood and looked at me, feeling so helpless. I told him I just couldn't handle any more people. I knew everyone was so excited to see this precious angel we had been praying for for the past several years, but I needed to be with my son alone. I so desired for us to be a family and sit all cuddled up in our little room. But the truth of it was, he wasn't our son yet. He was A's. And as difficult as it was to share him in the hospital, we knew she needed to spend as much time as she could with him.

A little later A. called us and said we could come and get him. We got to bring him back into the room with us and finally there we were. All three of us. A family. We just held him and stared at him. I unswaddled him and looked him all over. I fixed his bottle and fed him. It was amazing.

This is basically how our time at the hospital was spent. Passing little Kaplan back and forth. How lucky for him to have so many people who love him and care for him and who are looking out for his best interests.

The day we were to go home, Christmas Day, A. had him in her room for a little while in the morning. I had been dreading actually leaving, just knowing how difficult it would be for her. I can't quit put into words how it all felt. There was a huge part of me who wanted to bundle Kaplan up, turn around and run as far away as I could, but then there was a part of me that wanted to hand him to her and ask her how we could help her. While we were elated to be chosen to be the parents of this amazing child, we also could see the hurt and sadness in A.'s eyes.

She came into our room and handed him to us. She said "We had a talk this morning". I'll never know the sweet things she whispered to him, but I am so thankful she took the time to do that. I think it will help her in the coming months and years. It was time for her to leave. We stood and cried and hugged, but it wasn't devastating. It was sad, but peaceful. She knew why she had to give him up and she felt at peace with her decision.

It was Christmas Day, and we got to bring our son home. It was such a special day. Visitors didn't start coming until the next day, so on Christmas it was just us. It was so sweet to sit on the couch as a family of three and do something as simple as watch television.

Looking back on those days now, everything seems like such a blur. We were sleep deprived and running on adrenaline. The days since, at home, have been so wonderful. Hard at times, but wonderful.

I guess it was the third day we were home and I got up to feed Kaplan in the middle of the night. I was holding him and feeding him and I knew at that moment that we were meant to be together. He was looking up at me and grasping my finger and all I could do was weep. This is the child God had picked for our family. When we were laboring in prayer for a biological child, God said no. He had other plans for us. He knew that different DNA was needed to make up our first child, and that it wasn't ours. He has had us in the palm of his hand since the beginning. He was listening the first time Jamie and I said "let's start a family". And I can't help but think he was smiling as we sat in that hospital room looking at this sweet little boy.

Most days when I stare at Kaplan, I can't help but cry. These times are precious for me. I'm not usually a crying type person, but the other day, I was washing bottles and crying. I just can't believe we are here. It's still surreal that we have a child. It's a heavy responsibility that we do not take lightly. We can't wait to watch him grow and see what wonderful things the Lord has planned for his sweet little life. Well.....I can wait....he's already growing too fast!

I Blame It On My Husband

2008-11-03T16:31:00.000-08:00

It's totally Jamie's fault for my lack in blogging lately. Because he is seemingly perfect, I feel I must find something to place blame on him for. And I choose blogging absence.

He has been gone for about four weeks and he carries with him my outlet to the world wide web. Otherwise known as a computer. So my access to the internet has been slim. Almost non existent at times. And while I did experience some slight eye twitching the first few weeks, I actually welcomed the not so self imposed computer fast the last few weeks. The extra time allowed me to get caught up on sewing, house cleaning, and studying of fine literature. Or caught up on all my DVR shows. I'll let you choose which one is truthful. I know, I know you think I'm an expert seamstress....

So, needless to say, it's still Jamie's fault.

There has been so much that has happened in the last month that I hardley know where to start. So I'll just blurt it all out. It's sure to be poetic. Or a list:

1. We met the mother who chose us (can anyone say Awesome?!)
2. We saw pictures of the baby ( double Awesome)
3. It's a BOY! (triple Awesome......ok, you get it)
4. He's coming earlier than we thought
5. I'm freaking out just a little
6. But only because I'm so stinkin excited
7. I can't quit buying baby clothes
8. It's a problem
9. No, really I'm addicted to the baby section
10. And my nursery still isn't finished

So there ya go. Not much at all.

First let me tell you that, this adoption thing.....well it just continues to surprise me. The minute I want to yell to the world that "Our baby is coming!" (much like Paul Revier) I also want to tuck it all away and not share so many details. I know it's weird. But the more I think about it, the more I want it to be his story to share. Surprise #1. I really never saw that coming.

Surprise #2. We had such a connection with the mother. Not that it was a huge surprise, but man....it was pretty awesome. (Last time I'll use that word....promise). She is amazing. She is now the last person I think about when I go to bed at night and the first person on my mind each morning. As cliche as that sounds, it is totally true. And meeting her made me realize how hard it will be to walk out of the hospital with the baby she carried and birthed and know how heart wrenching it will be for her. But this too is something we know God is in control of.

We are so very excited to be preparing for a baby. And I'm not even telling a lie when I tell you he will be here in five weeks. HELLLOOOO!!!! I said five weeks! So the lists at my house? Well you know they are a plentiful. Not to mention a few little itty bitty holidays coming up. Oh, you know Thanksgiving and Christmas. You ever heard of them?

But I'm not too worried. Baby trumps all preparations in my book. So if you are reading this and you normally get a Christmas gift from the Autry's, I hate to break it to you that your all time favorite gift of the holiday season will have to pass this year. But I would like to give a shout out that we are still open and available to be on the receiving end of those presents. I'm just saying.....

We would like a new television. It's for the baby.

Guess what we're getting this year for Christmas?

2008-10-02T13:58:00.000-07:00

So, it looks like we are going to have a Christmas baby! We got the call last Thursday night that we have been chosen by a mother who is due December 22nd.

In 81 days we will be parents. We're just a little bit excited to say the least.

I was sitting at home by myself last Thursday reading the latest Christianity Today magazine. (I'm throwing that in so you think I'm all holy). Jamie was still at work in Memphis, so I had some time to myself to read. Which is always nice. Can I get an Amen?

Anyway, it was about 8:30 and the phone rang and it was our social worker. My first thought was that she was calling about a question I had emailed her the day before. But that is not why she was calling. She said she had some news and I held my breath. She said "You've been chosen" and all I could say was "Are you serious?". Like she would call someone and say that and then say....oh, just joking. But it's all I could say. And I said it over and over again. Finally, she started telling me all the information and she paused mid-sentence and said "You may want to write all this down." I said "Oh, good thinking". I was actually surprisingly calm though on the phone. It wasn't until I hung up that I was screaming and crying. Actually it was more like wailing.

I couldn't believe it. I'm still, a week later, in shock about the whole thing.

I called Jamie after I could finally make words come out of my mouth. Of course, he did not answer his phone. So I did what any good wife does. I called him right back. He answered the second time. I could barely speak through all the sobbing and he thought something terrible had happened. All I could say was "WE'VE BEEN CHOSEN!" and all he could say was "Are you serious?". Not sure why we both think people would play evil jokes on us.

We are both so overjoyed. The mother wants to meet us and I am so excited about that. Now we have an actual mother that we are praying for. I haven't even met her yet and I can't even explain the feelings I have toward her. It's unlike anything I've experienced before. It made this whole thing a lot more real now that there are actual people involved. The reality of her situation makes my heart ache for her. I choose not to go into details on this blog because everything I know is her story. It is her life. It is not mine to share. But we are praying for her during this sure to be difficult time.

It's so important for people to understand why we are adopting. While it is in fact true that we desire a child, we chose adoption because we believe in finding Christian homes for children who might not otherwise have a family. Adoption was not created to give babies to infertile couples. It is a way to provide loving homes for children of all ages, races, and backgrounds whose biological parents realize they can't provide for them. It comes at great cost to those parents. And we do not take that responsibility lightly.

We are greatly blessed that she deems us worthy of the task and we can't wait to welcome baby Autry home.

This is My 100th Post!

2008-09-10T08:38:00.000-07:00

I can't believe I've stuck with this blog that long. I'm a little bit of a "throw yourself all into something and then quit a few weeks later" kind of person. As much as I like to think I'm not like that, it is totally true.

For example, when Jamie and I started dating, he played golf a lot. In my mind I thought "Golf can't be that hard, it's just a stick and a ball". "I'm sure I could do that". So, I started going to some driving ranges and thinking that I am going to learn how to play.

(As a side note, I should also mention that I have a sort of warped perception of my athletic abilities in that I think I have them. I played on a church softball team several years ago and was terrible, but I'm so competitive that it didn't seem to cross my mind that I needed to be good before I was talking trash.)

So the golfing begins. And then it ends about 2 weeks later when I realize the amount of work it would take to actually ever make it onto the course.

Last year, I decided I wanted to learn how to sew. Lucky for me, my friend Hannah sews and I thought she could teach me. I went for a few lessons and made an apron. It did turn out very cute but it did in fact take me about a month to make. But for that month.....I was totally into sewing. I purchased different materials, looked up patterns on the internet, bought one of those tomato pin cushions and everything. But then after the apron project, I moved on to the next activity. But still to this day in my mind I am 100% convinced that if I had a sewing machine, I would be a great seamstress.

Two months ago I decided that I needed to get in shape. So I committed to training for a 5K. I researched to find a race several months away, looked up training programs, and even bought new tennis shoes. That lasted about a month as well. All the running messed up my evening routine of watching television. And let's just be honest, Jon and Kate Gosselin have to have people watching their show...I mean they have eight kids, how else can they get money? I like to think of myself as being a contributor to the greater good of the entertainment society. The employees at Direct TV do have to feed their families after all and they don't need my exercising taking food off their kids plates.

I also have a plastic container full of paints and brushes, a closet with canvases, and two unfinished paintings.

And the funny thing about all of this is that if you were to ask me, I wouldn't have a problem telling you that I was good at all of these things. "Marcie, do you paint?" "Why, yes I do. I also sew, play golf, run, bake, have an abounding knowledge of useless medical information, and decorate".

I've never really struggled with self-esteem obviously.

So, to make it to my 100th post is a feat. This blogging thing has actually stuck around for awhile. There are few things that do. Lucky for you readers, this is one of them (see there is that not struggling with self-esteem thing again).

At least our child will be exposed to many different things right?

The Tie that Binds

2008-09-06T16:24:00.000-07:00

Today we had an adoption training class all day in Memphis. If I'm honest, I wasn't really looking forward to sitting in a class all day on a Saturday. But it turned out to be a wonderful day.

We learned a lot about talking to our children about adoption and different issues that can come up. It was very informative and very educational. But, that is not what I took away from today.

Every person that talked to us today had their own adoption story to tell. Whether they were teaching us about newborn care or fetal alcohol syndrome, it all related to them because they were adoptive parents who had been there. They got it.

Every person sitting in the classroom was traveling down the same road we are, except different circumstances had led them there.

Each of us was connected by this thing called adoption. And it made me think that this is exactly how the body of Christ is. Although we are all traveling down different roads, we all struggle with different things, we are all blessed in different ways, we may all live scattered across this globe, we are connected by the blood of Jesus. So really all Christians are also connected by adoption because we are all heirs to His throne.

And as corny as this may sound, it really is a beautiful thing.

I've just been thinking about the whole bigger picture of adoption and I really can't shake the feeling that I'm a part of something that is so much bigger than myself. A few people have told us that they admire us or are proud of us for adopting. Which I think is sort of silly really. Mostly we are adopting because we desire a baby. It's not some heroic feat. We are being obedient to a call God placed on our lives. And mostly I have gone about it kicking and screaming that it wasn't easier. But to sit there today and see so many adoption stories come full circle was a little overwhelming.

They were all, every single one, amazing stories of God's abounding faithfullness. And at that moment I felt so unbelievably unworthy to be chosen to be a part of something like this.

The truth of it is, the waiting is hard. But you know what? I know that what God has in store for us is going to be so worth it all.

"But these things I plan won't happen right away. Slowly, steadily, surely, the time approaches when the vision will be fulfilled. If it seems slow, wait patiently, for it will surely take place. It will not be delayed." Habakkuk 2:3

Week 1 of Waiting

2008-09-01T07:36:00.000-07:00

I thought that after we got our approval, there would be a big burden lifted off of us. No more paperwork, no more water testing, we would be approved and waiting to be picked. I thought that would be easy after all the ordeals we had been through the past several months.

But of course, I was wrong!

Now, all we can do is wait and pray. There is no goal that we are actually "working" towards. We are just simply to wait to be chosen. And I think about it all day.

I have walked through the baby section in every store I've been in this week. I have trouble going to sleep now. I have painted the babies room and put together the crib. I have been searching online for a cute, green glider/rocker. I have sat in the floor of the nursery about 15 times. And I have prayed quit unceasingly for our future baby.

So, the waiting......well not so easy. It's quit consuming.

In adoption, there are so many things that are unknown. This makes the planning quit difficult, but at the exact same time it is exciting. While I don't get to experience a positive pregnancy test (which, let's face it, is just a stick with pee on it) or nine months of being pregnant, I do get to experience this waiting (without gaining weight....hopefully) and I will get to experience a phone call to say we have been chosen. And I will get to witness first hand one of the great mysteries of heaven; the unconditional loving of a child that was not born of us, but placed in our hearts. And while this may seem different to some, it seems very natural to us.

To say we are excited would be the understatement of the year. We are also anxious, nervous and scared. But I have to think that this is how all expecting parents feel. And we are in fact expecting parents.

So, week one down. Who knows how many more to go!

Excuse me for my bloggy absence

2008-08-25T13:14:00.000-07:00

I know I haven't been around. And I know that most of you are probably tired of reading how hot I am. Actually the weather hasn't been that bad the past few weeks, but I was really hot before. Obviously. Either that, or I was trying to post anything just to keep my blog account open. Not that they shut them down or anything, but it has been quit awhile.

So the biggest news is that WE ARE APPROVED!!!!!!!! Yay!! We got a call Thursday night from our social worker and she let us know that everything looks good and that we are all official. Whoo Hoo!! We haven't signed our contract yet, but that should be coming this week. They are showing our profile though and that is very exciting!!

In other Autry news, two of my dogs escaped and I had to pick them up in the rain on the main highway. I actually had to run down the median in my high heels. Then I had to lift both of them up and put them in the back of my car. They both weigh about 175 pounds. Ok. So that might be a lie. But it felt like it.

Also, I have been working. A Lot. Which is the reason for the lax in my bloggity life. But I figure unless you people start paying me to write, I guess it's more important for me to be out in corporate America. My cell phone provider actually prefers to get paid after all.

And finally, the Olympics. We were a little bit addicted. And in the middle of the Olympics we got a DVR. And I have to argue that this is the best invention of my lifetime. And I realize that I am only 27, but I'm pretty sure nothing will ever compare. Unless we figure out how to actually grow money on trees. Or an automatic eye brow plucker. That would be nice.

I said finally, but really the last thing is that we have started decorating our nursery. And I cried a little. Finally, after four years, we get to start a nursery. And I totally know it could take us a long time to get chosen, which I figure could play into my decorating scheme seeing as I only have a crib. I have built the perfect nursery in my mind, but the problem is that most of the things I see in there are not even in existence. I am actually sitting in the nursery at this very moment. And I love it. And I am so excited!

Hot?

2008-08-04T16:09:00.000-07:00

Is anyone else hot or is it just me? (and of course by hot I mean temperature wise)

A Mess of Emotions!

2008-07-23T14:47:00.000-07:00

As we await for our upcoming approval, I find myself having all kinds of mixed feelings.

The reality of becomming a parent is freaking me out a little. I mean, I love children, I always have. I know that God has set this path of adoption in front of us, but the reality of bringing home a baby makes me a tee bit nervous.

It's weird, because I have been desiring it for so long, and now it is becomming more real. Each step gets us closer to the day we bring our child home. And I have so many emotions already about that, I can't even imagine what it will truly be like.

It's sad to me that during our overwhelming joy, someone else will be overwhelmed by grief at the loss of their child.

I'm scared that the infant will have a hard time adjusting, being taken away from everything he/she has known for the last nine months.

I sometimes get mad that we live in a fallen world where mothers have to give up their babies and people have to deal with infertility.

I know that our lives will forever be changed, and while that is exciting, I'm a little sad at the closing of this era.

As much as this child will be ours, I have to deal with the fact that I did not give birth to him/her and that means his path will be different. He will not be able to do the science experiment in middle school where he goes home to look at his mom and dad's earlobes to see if they are attached or not and then look at his to see which genetic trait he got.

And although all of this is different than "normal", I still rejoice that God chose us to go down this path. It's hard and I know it will get harder. But I know that God will do great things in this child's life. In His providence he led mine and Jamie's hearts and lives together knowing that we would fully be open to welcome all sorts of children into our family (and dogs). In His providence he will lead us to the baby for our family. And although sometimes it's very difficult to know how to pray for this situation (praying for our future child ultimately means the circumstance of an unwanted pregnancy and painful relinquishment), I know that God in his divine providence has worked all the details out long before I took my first breath.

When my birth mom gave me up for adoption, God knew that one day I would be going through the process to add a baby to my family through the same avenue. That thought is just amazing.

So although, I do have so many different emotions, I can rest in the fact that God has his hand over every detail. He will give us the wisdom to handle what has been given to us at the time we need the wisdom (and not before!). I just pray that he keeps reminding me of that!

Surrender

2008-07-11T18:33:00.000-07:00

I don't have any insight tonight. No profound truth that I've recently realized. I don't have a funny story or an animal resue to speak of. I don't have anything sarcastic to say. I am simply here.

I am breathing, I am resting, and I feel more at peace tonight than I have felt in a long time. I am surrendered.

It seems funny to me to say that I am surrendered. That always seems like something that I am trying to attain and yet never achieving. Almost like it's prideful to actually say it. If that makes any sense what so ever.

I left work this evening at 5:00 and listened to my voice mail. Jamie had called me with the news that our water test came back clear. Our water has been healed thanks to the Culligan man.
When I heard the message, I simply smiled and told God thank you and sat in silence for the next several minutes, just resting in His presence.

You see, I'm a little bit of an emotional roller coaster of a person. My emotions can swing back and forth really in a matter of minutes. When I have good news, I call lots of people and when I am a crying mess I also call lots of people. My life is an open book. But tonight, while I was driving home in the silence of my car, I simply grinned and thanked God.

This is a big thing for me because in doing those two things (smiling and saying thanks) I was aknowledging that He is the one whose hand is over this whole adoption process. Not that I didn't know that before, but practically speaking, there is so much paperwork, so much figuring stuff out, so much bacteria to get rid of in my water! It's easy for me to feel completely competent. To handle things and check them off my tidy little to do list. And then when they get completed to move to the next thing, thinking I handled it well. When the truth of it is, if I am surrendered and I find out bacteria is in my water, I should simply accept it and know beyond a doubt that this is also from God as much as all the good stuff. But, on the contrary, I kick and stomp my feet and wonder why He has put another burden on us.

And I know this all seems silly now, because we got good results today. But the thing is, I acknowledged Him immediatly. This is not something I regularly do. I realized that it had nothing to do with filtration systems, or bleach, or stupid total coliform. That this whole thing has just been one more circumstance that He has used to teach me to be simple in my thinking. To not analyze everything. To not be overly emotional. To simply say thank you.

To be still and know that He is God.

And that is what I am experiencing. I am surrendered tonight. I don't know what the next step will bring, but I know that my God will direct my future the same way He has my past. I don't know why I go through all the steps I do because I always end up in the same place.....resting and knowing that He will not leave my side.

What we've been up to

2008-07-06T15:29:00.000-07:00

I realize that it's been a ridiculously long time since I have written, and I do apologize for that. I know that it's been hard to get through the week. I am deeply sorry.

There has been a lot of action on the Autry fronteir. In the last two weeks, I've gotten a new job, we've moved Loop De Lou offices, and Jamie has fully installed our pipes for our filtration system which is being installed tomorrow. So, we're moving right along towards parenthood as it would seem. Who new that installing pipe was a prerequisite for being a parent? We didn't learn that in health class.

Anyway, good thing I have a husband who can do anything. He wasn't happy about crawling under our house in the middle of summer (he hates spiders), but it's for a kid.....so he didn't really have a choice.

Also, today we found a dog on the side of the road and brought her home. We are such suckers for pitiful animals. I think they can smell the weakness and they seek us out. She is unbelievably adorable though. We named her Bonnie. We're hoping she sticks around. We trying to give her lots of food so she'll know just how weak we really are.

As if two dogs weren't enough. One day we hope the amount of children we have could equal the amount of canines. That way each dog gets a kid to take care of.

Great News!

2008-06-21T11:10:00.000-07:00

Well, it might not seem like that big of a deal, but we're pretty excited about it! We found out that we DON'T have to build a shed right now!! The filtration system we picked out was way smaller than what we thought. So it can go underneath our house in the crawl space. This obviously will save us quit a bit of money!!

I just wanted to give an update, "Project Build a Shed" has been cancelled!

Filtration Schmiltration

2008-06-20T13:18:00.000-07:00

We met with a water filtration specialist last week. He worked with us for three short hours to let us know what kind of system we needed.

He held the key to unlock all the knowledge to the wide world of water filtration (WWWF) (sort of like WWF, except without all the wrestling) (and without all the men in spandex) (but pretty much with the same amount of water).

He presented us with three types of systems. We, of course, chose the cheapest, because call me crazy, but $3500 for clean water just seems a little excessive. Our poor kid would never be able to go to college. "Sorry honey, in order to bring you home, we had to spend your college fund on water filtration."

Oh, I kid. There will never be a college fund.Mamma likes shoes too much for that.

Anyway, we also found out that in order to install said filtration system, we needed a dry place to keep it. So the rain wouldn't fry it. That would not be good in the WWWF. Especially since they like to make them with gold. Or so it seems.

So we also have to buy a shed. But since my husband can make stuff, we have chosen to build one. Project Build a Shed starts on Saturday.(sort of like Project Runway, except without all the models). Check you local listings.

It's a good thing though we're having to do this before the kid comes. Now we have a place to send him when he's bad.

Or maybe not. I feel like our social worker might frown on that.

After the shed is built and filtration system is installed, we did find out that the company we are using will test our water for us for free. So that's a nice little bonus. They say it's a 100% guarantee that it will cleanse our water of all bacteria. It's a good thing, because even if it was 99.9%, I'm pretty sure, for us, it wouldn't work. We would be that .0000001% (or whatever....I'm not good at Math).

So it looks like we are well (pun intended) on our way to bacteria free water. And adoption approval. And then maybe one day, a baby.

Only in the South

2008-06-18T13:15:00.000-07:00

I have been thinking recently about Southern life. I have compiled a list. Because I love lists. And because sometimes it's hard to make paragraphs out of randomness.

Southern things I don't do:

1. go to the tanning bed (anymore)

2. color my hair (well, not recently anyway)

3. wear big hats

4. wear broaches

5. switch purses for seasons

6. feel the need to match

7. make white beans

8. wear big jewelry

9. say "darlin'"

10. watch Nascar

Southern things I do:

1. fry things

2. fish

3.watch college football religiously

4. cook cornbread

5. feel like food and comfort go hand in hand

6. say "bless her heart"

7. say "ya'll"

8. Use lots of butter

9. have sweet tea in my fridge at all times

10. look out my back window and see this:

This is Jamie's mom and grandma using the paddle boat in our pond. I cracked up laughing when I saw this. Two grandma's, coated in their tanning oil, paddling around the pond, trying to get some exercise. I mean, this is just something you don't see up North. I'm certain of it.

Father's Day

2008-06-16T10:14:00.000-07:00

So yesterday was Father's Day. And I don't know why Father's Day is so hard.

Two years ago on Father's Day, we were in the midst of infertility. I had started charting (don't worry....I won't go into detail about that!), and we were almost at the 2 year point of trying to conceive. We knew that the probability of there being a problem was high.

I was several days late with my monthly friend and my hopes were high. I knew we had timed things right. I was praying earnestly that maybe it worked. It didn't. And my monthly friend came with a vengence Father's Day morning. I layed in the bed and was a blubbering mess.

I should have taken that as a sign and just stayed at home in bed. But we couldn't because our niece was getting dedicated that Sunday and we needed, and wanted to be there for that. At our church they have baby dedication once a year on Father's Day.

Lucky us.

That year they also showed a slide show of all the children in the church with Andrew Peterson's song "Family Man" playing in the background. It was sweet, but I felt like it was a cruel joke. I couldn't hold it together. And I completely lost it when I looked over and saw Jamie wiping tears from his eyes. I was chewing gum and started crying so hard that I sucked it down my throat.

Precious memories. How they linger.

Thank the Lord we are in a much different place now. Although our circumstances haven't changed, God has really changed our hearts. We are indebted to His grace. We are in awe of His faithfullness.

But yesterday was another Father's Day, and another baby dedication. And I found myself crying again. Only silently this time, not hyperventalating and sucking gum down my throat. The truth is that it does make me sad. I can envision the father Jamie will be and it hurts that it is difficult. I see it in my mind, him holding an infant and looking at that child with awe. I know the kind of daddy he will be and yesterday was a painful reminder that our path is different.

Different is ok. Different is actually good because our God ordained it to be that way. But different sometimes stings.

As I sat in church, silently praying that I wouldn't fall a part, God spoke to me that I have MUCH reason to celebrate Father's Day. He is the ultimate Father. He is there to comfort us when we are crying so hard we suck gum down our throat. He is there to hold us when all our plans fall apart and tell us that His plans are best. He is there to correct us when we think we can control things. He is there to welcome us back when we realize we can't. He is there to listen when we have too many words of frustration. He is there to soothe us when all we can do is tell Him it hurts. He is good. He holds our hands as we sit silently crying on Father's Day. And he will share in our joy as we one day hold our sweet child.

The Stuff They Don't Write About In Romance Novels

2008-06-09T08:41:00.001-07:00

Jamie and I celebrated our 6th wedding anniversary yesterday. Six years ago, I became a Mrs. and moved into a double wide infested with mice and bad water.

We sure have come a long way. Minus the bad water part, we're pretty much a picture of the American dream. We live on a three acre lot with a big pond in the back, we have a nice house, two dogs, a car that breaks down a lot, we're infertile. You know, the stuff dreams are made of.

In all seriousness though, every single thing could be taken away from us and as long as we still had each other and the love of our Savior, it wouldn't matter at all.

So how did we celebrate? Well thanks for asking.

We went out on Saturday night to the movies. We chose a matinee because well, the price of going to an evening movie is $8.00. And I would rather spend $8.00 on a Starbucks drink. Or, you know, towards the electric bill. I do like air conditioning in the summer. Call me crazy.

We went to see Kung Fu Panda, you know the new animated movie. I think we were the only "couple" there. Animated panda's don't exaclty scream "Romantic Date Movie". But, it was a great movie. The best part about going to a kids movie at the matinee price is that there are in fact lots of kids there. Something funny would happen in the movie and those kids would start laughing and couldn't stop. And you know how little kids have some of the goofiest laughs. We would get so tickled just listening to all the laughing.

We decided to keep with the theme of the evening and have dinner afterwards at Asahi, a Japanese steakhouse in Jackson. It was a cozy little romantic dinner with me and Jamie and 8 other strangers. I wispered sweet nothings in Jamie's ear as the Japanese chef made fire rings and lava filled onions. It was such a great meal, but I have to say that my intestines were a little upset with me afterwards. They didn't seem to love the meal as much as I did.

Yesterday on our actual anniversary, we got up and went to church and then came home to spend a quiet evening alone. It was really great. Then we decided to bust out the board games.

Something you may not realize about me is that I am a little bit competitive. Not to the point where I almost throw the scrabble board for Jamie taking my spot where I might have played a 42 point word, no nothing like that. Or not to the point where I get so mad I could cry and then do. No, no. I'm not that bad. But, just a little bitty twinge of the "I like to wins".

We played two games. A game of speed scrabble (we made this up) and a quick little game of Trivial Pursuit. Because those questions are SO easy. I don't know who those people were trying to fool with their questions. Of course I know what world leader decided in 1987 to take a year sabbatical and travel the world over in search of the meaning of life. Who doesn't know that? Or what NHL team had to change their logo because the fans thought it was short for "habitants". I mean EVERYONE knows those things. We really even shouldn't play that game. It just puffs us up with all the knowledge.

After game fest '08, we decided to go enjoy the evening out on the dock. Jamie brought our fishing poles out. It must have been the perfect time of evening and we were using the perfect bait because we caught a ton of fish. We would just cast and catch. It was a lot of fun until I caught a fish and it threw up on me.

Nothing says romantic anniversary evening like fish throw up.

It was all over my shirt, sunglasses and face. It was awesome. Jamie said in all his years of catching fish, he had never witnessed a fish throwing up. I'm so glad he finally got to experience that. That's just the kind of wife I am. So selfless.

And to top off the romantic anniversary weekend, Jamie's dad brought home a paddle boat. So now we can get out in the pond and paddle around and catch fish. This was just my thought when I was walking down the aisle six years ago.

After we came back inside we cooked a frozen pizza, got in bed and watched a movie. Jamie fell asleep half way through it and I had to watch the last half straining to hear through all the snoring. This really is what dreams are made of.

Please feel free to call me to plan your next romantic getaway.

And Jamie, you know I wouldn't have it any other way. I love you! Happy Anniversary!

Scars

2008-05-30T07:46:00.000-07:00

The summer before my senior year of high school, my foot got ran over by a car.

I wish that I could say it was in some daring feat to rescue an animal, or something cool like I was in a high speed car chase and I was trying to out run the cops. But the reality of it was, I was about to be a senior. Out where I'm from we spray paint very clever and ceative things on road signs like "Class of 1999" or "99 rulez" or "The Class of 99 wuz here". Because we are so original. Well, I happend to be in the back seat of a car full of mischevious girls and saw a great place for the spray paint to go. I told my friend who was driving to "stop the car!". Before it had come to a complete stop, I attempted to get out of the back seat. I, unfortunately was also wearing flip flops.

The comibination of the car still rolling, flip flops, and getting out of the car = foot being ran over.

I literally had to ask my friend to "Back up please, because my foot is stuck under your back tire."

Only after I pulled my foot back in the car did I began to scream at all the nastiness that was now the side of my foot. I was a trooper though. Didn't even go to the doctor. More out of stupidity than anything else. We were aftaid of getting caught with the spray paint. We also had to come up with an eloborate story of how the said incident happened because my friend didn't want her mom to know she had run over someone's foot. Our story involved me falling on the corner of some concrete slab. It was very believable.

I also told my parents in High School that my boyfriend and I got stuck in a field because we were looking at deer.

Lying has never really been my strong suit.

One time I got caught sneeking out of my house and told my parents I had fallen asleep in my bed with all of my clothes on (with shoes also) because I was putting together new outfits and got so tired, I just had to lay down.

If God has a sense of humor (and I'm pretty certain he does), then I can't wait to see what is in store for us as parents.

Anyway....

I have this huge scar on my left foot from all the running over and such. It took a long time for it to actually turn into a scar. It was a wide, gaping wound for months. But eventually it did.

I really don't think about it much, but every now and then a pain will shoot across it and make me remember that night. I usually laugh and think of my sweet friends from home.

I was laying awake in bed the other night and I found myself getting a little upset about our infertility. This surprised me. Because, mostly I don't ever think about it anymore. Sure, I think about the fact that it's quit possible I'll never be pregnant, but now, when I think about those things, it's not with a sense of sadness. It's more of fact. It really and truly does not bother me that I don't have to go through birth and delivery. A little excited about that fact if I'm honest.

But the longing to create a child with my husband is still there sometimes. It's not hovering, it's not all encompassing, I don't dwell on it anymore. But sometimes, there is a twinge of pain. Just like the scar on my foot.

The scar will always be there. But it is not something that I'm ashamed to talk about or that I want to even hide. It's apart of what makes me....well, me. It's apart of our life story. As I was thinking about this, it was such a reminder to me that wounds do heal, but they don't vanish. And that's ok.

The scar of our infertility will always be there. But it's just that now....a scar. It's not a wound, it's a reminder of where we are currently in our life and the path that has led us here. And I'm thankful for it, because it has shaped us into who we are and the people that we will become.

We Like to Stay in Touch with Nature

2008-05-28T14:57:00.000-07:00

This past weekend, we went on a camping trip with our friends the Smiths. We had a great time. Jamie and I really love to camp. And I mean real camping. Tent, sleeping bag, no air matress, lots of bug spray, and no showers. We smelled nice.

It's so refreshing to be out in nature, so far that cell phones don't pick up service. Sometimes I long for simpler days, before technology and instant communication. I totally believe I could be a nomad. I couldn't do it by myself though, Jamie would have to capture our food.

I also got injured on our trip. But I must say that I am pretty proud of it. I like when I have scars from cool things like hiking. It would be even cooler if I could have a scar from a sword fight. But that is probably not very realistic. Who knows though right? Never say never. We could be pirates instead of nomads.

Here are some pictures:

Our tents (ours is the one back in the woods....we are SO primitive)

The Grill Masters and Jamie in mid-squat.

Jamie's so excited that he really just can't hide it.

Me with three of my favorite girls: Parker, Chloe, and Lilly

Allie and me doing what we did best....sit. Really one of my favorite pass times.

Part of my injury. I fell on a rock while trying to take a picture. Good thing I caught myself with my elbow, knuckles, and camera. They say that the elbow is the softest place to land and not boney or painful in the least. And that camera's do wonders at breaking falls. She (my camera) is ok though, only walked away with a cool scratch on the lens. We're counting our blessings.

And now a video of all the beauty, narrated by someone who sounds like she is out of the movie "Deliverance" minus the creepy banjo kid.

We had a great time and can't wait to do it again!

sometimes hope seems lost...

2008-05-21T10:07:00.000-07:00

We've had another positive water test for bacteria. That makes three. In case I haven't been clear about this whole thing, I wanted to go into more detail about it.

At our home study (2 months ago now), we handed in all the rest of our paperwork and thought we were well (no pun intended) on our way to approval. But we found out that since we are on a well and have a sceptic tank that we needed to get our water tested. And also turn in a document of our sceptic tank installation. The document was easy. The water testing....not so much.

Our initial test, tested for four things: nitrite, nitrate, total fecal (gross, I know) coliform, and total coliform. I will spare you all the boring details about the differences between all of these things. But rest assured, that I do know them after two months of studying water.

Well, we got a positive for total coliform. Basically this means that there is some sort of bacteria in our water, but they're not sure what kind it is. It could be a natural bacteria and it could not be harmful. This is what we are thinking it is because we use/drink our water and have not been sick. But the agency is still requiring a negative test. Which we really do completely understand.

So started the decontamination efforts with the bleach that I wrote about in a previous post. We have decontaminated our well twice now. And now we can chalk up three positive tests for total coliform in our water.

And also, our car just broke down. The day we got the latest water results back. Seriously. I really couldn't make this stuff up people.

My friend has called this water issue "the infertility of adoption". I think that is a pretty accurate description. Failed test, after failed test = easily discouraged about the hope of ever starting a family.

But I know what the truth is. The truth is that God does have the child for us and if it takes bacteria in our well to slow things down to lead us to that child, then that is what it takes.

I am disappointed, I am frustrated. I also trust God completely. I don't understand why difficult things happen to us, but I also don't understand why God chooses to bless us.

He is Lord of my life and I do trust Him. Even when my feelings fail me, my water has bacteria in it, my car is broken down, and I can't seem to understand His ways. He will lift my head when I can't seem to look up. He will carry me thru the waters so I will not drown. He will walk with me thru the fire so I will not get burned.

I can rejoice because He is my redeemer and I am his. Circumstances are ever changing, but my God is constant. He is not intimitaded by my circumstances, he has ordained them so that I can fully surrender to Him and learn to rest solely, quietly in His hands. When things seem out of control to me, He is fully in control.

So sometimes, if I'm honest, hope does seem lost. But the truth is, my only true hope is in Christ alone.

It's In the Little Things That Battles Are Lost and Won

2008-05-14T11:15:00.000-07:00

The more and more I am trying to figure this Christian life out, the more and more God keeps showing me that it is the small things that matter most.

Which is easier, to stop and help someone in need or to hold my tongue when I have been bothered by something?

I think all of us have a natural bent towards generosity (especially if we are Christians). It is not very difficult to make someone a meal when they are sick or even to go on a foreign mission trip to help orphans in an orphanage. Who wouldn't want to go and hold babies? (Ok, so maybe that could be hard for some people.) What I'm saying is that sometimes I think we romanticize this view of service. While I am not discounting the actual act, we are called to do these things, I am questioning our hearts motive.

I think our hearts are deceiving. Well, I only think that because scripture says so. Anyway...God has really been showing me that it is in the small decisions of life that truly test a persons heart.

So what kind of heart does God desire? One that is pure in all situations.

For me, it is easy to sit and enourage someone who is having a tough time. It is much more difficult to hold my tongue when someone stops in front of me on the ramp getting onto the interstate. It is easy for me to bake cookies for someone who is celebrating a birthday. It is difficult to not try to prove my point when someone has wronged me. And I can even say for myself it is much easier for me to go on mission trips and serve than it is to show patience to my husband sometimes.

To me, it all goes back to our hearts condition. It is in the little things of life where I believe the battles are lost and won. I know God desires a humble spirit and a contrite heart. It doesn't matter if I am feeding the homeless or scrubbing the floors that my dog has gotten dirty for the 15th time this week.

A Very Special Day

2008-05-12T15:22:00.001-07:00

Dear Jamie-

Tomorrow is your birthday. 32 years ago you were brought into this world. I didn't know it at the time, but that was a wonderful day. The day God ordained for my future husband to be born! I always find myself so thankful on this day. Thankful that you were born, thankful that you were raised the way you were, and thankful that God thought I deserved to be your wife.

This is the 9th birthday I have celebrated with you. I can't believe it's been that many! I really can't wait to share 60 more! (that would make you 92...you gotta stay around at least that long)

Happy Birthday sweet man of mine. I love you more with each passing year and I never even knew that was possible...

With all my love-

Marcie

Who wouldn't love to live with this?

We Know Real Missionaries!

2008-04-29T08:18:00.000-07:00

For those non Northbrookers who read this blog, I wanted to let all of you know that our dear friends, the Bustrums, left yesterday morning on their way to Lisbon, Portugal.

The Bustrums have been in our small group for the last 2 years and we have gotten to know them so well. They are really more like family to all of us. The goodbye's on Sunday were bittersweet. We are sad at the hole they are leaving in our family, but we are so excited to join hands with them as they serve in Portugal.

They each have a blog which they will be updating throughout their journey. They are on their way now to Virginia for two months (and two weeks now!) worth of training, and then mid-July, possibly first of August they will be off to Portugal. They are an amazing family who have a heart for the lost. You can check on their adventure at two places: Hannah blogs at tea time and Mark blogs at hot coffee.

Please remember to be in prayer for this family as God uses them as his workers in Lisbon, Portugal!

Primal Wound.....Not For Me

2008-04-26T14:01:00.000-07:00

I'm an adopted child.

I was given up for adoption and placed with a foster family for 6 weeks. My parents got "the call" about a little girl who was available. They were on their way the very next day to pick me up. My dad, a teacher, ran around the top of the gym in his school because he was so very excited about getting a baby girl.

That is the truth of my birth. I do not know my birthmother. It was a closed adoption and I have very little information about her.

I came across this today and I must say that it really strikes a nerve. It is a book called "Primal Wound". I do not want to say anything about the woman who wrote this because I am sure she is a very nice person. But I wholeheartily disagree with her. I have not read the book but read her position.

In this statement she says that the truth is "Every adopted child will experience abandonment and loss". Really?

Because I have to say my whole life I've felt more wanted, more loved, more support than a lot of people I know. My parents desired me. My mother and father prayed countless hours for me. (And I sorta believe this is the reason for my struggle with thinking I'm so awesome.)

I fault my biological mother none for placing me for adoption. Not. One. Single. Bit. I am so very, very grateful for her decision. I have a special place in my heart for her, even though we have never met. She gave me life.

For someone to write generalizations like this is very frustrating. I did not, do not, will not ever feel abandoned. God has a specific purpose for my life and my adoption was all a part of that plan.

I understand that not everyone's adoption story has a happy ending. There are a lot of issues in adoption. It's not always poptarts and roses. But for me, I don't believe I was abandoned, I don't believe my birth was an accident, I don't believe I could have been parented better by my birth mother. I absolutely believe I was parented by my "real" parents. And I am not in denial about that. PLEASE!

Many Mountains to Climb

2008-04-23T07:33:00.000-07:00

We're searching
Longing to hold you in our arms
And adore you in our hearts.

There are many mountains to climb and
Sometimes we can't seem to find our way over.

We keep pushing, working, trying to make it possible to climb the mountain
But sometimes it feels we may never make it to the top.

Stumbling block after stumbling block
Seems to make our path harder
We have to move them and keep on climbing.

We know we will not stop until we reach the peak.

Then, we will be able to hold you in our arms,
let you sleep on our chest, smell your sweet baby goodness
And then we will know why there were so many mountains to climb.

They were leading us straight to you.

seriously?

2008-04-22T15:08:00.000-07:00

We got another positive test result on our water. Looks like more waiting....

We're getting pretty good at that.

A Tale of a Water Test Gone Bad

2008-04-22T10:03:00.000-07:00

Jamie and I found out at our home study visit that we were going to have to get our water tested before approval because we are on a well. Very surprisingly, my initial reaction was totally laid back. I was all like, "No worries, what's one more thing, it will be good to get our water tested anyway."

Well, then I found out the cost and the procedure. Let's just say we felt a lot like Bill Nye the Science Guy. I even had to wear latex gloves. It involved a cooler with ice, sample bottles with perservatives, filling up water to an exact line (couldn't be below or above) and running our water for long amounts of time. I had to fight the urge to put on a white coat and wear plastic goggles and do the evil science laugh. You know...muuuaaahahahaa.

So, I traveled to deliver the samples packed in ice with in the alloted time frame. I had to sign that I was the one who took the samples and date and initial everything.

Then, a couple of days later we hear that one of the tests is positive. My first thought "Of course it is." Because really, it is the Autry way. And I'm sure you all wouldn't be surprised to know either that it was the most expensive test that we needed to redo. Seriously people, you probably don't want to be our friends.

We were told we needed to "decontaminate" our well. I felt like I was in the middle of a CSI episode. I would totally be that blonde girl with the southern accent.

Decontaminate is really a fancy word for "pour bleach down your well". So this is what we did. Or so we thought.

How the "decontamination" works (I really like using that word...it sounds official) is that you pour the bleach down your well, and then you run all the water faucets in your house until you smell the beach. After you smell it, you turn the faucets off and leave everything off for 7-24 hours. The bleach is supposed to kill any sort of bacteria we could possibly have.

Jamie went out and poured the bleach down the well. We turned all the water on and waited and waited. We kept smelling and nothing. At one point, I said "I think I smell bleach" and so we shut the system down. We left and went about our business for the day.

On my way home that evening, I got a call from Jamie. He said "Well, you didn't smell bleach this morning because I poured the bleach down the wrong pipe."

He evidently poured it down a cut off to our house. I mean really who can blame him. He looked down the pipe and saw water, it was an honest mistake. The bleach then seaped into our side yard and killed lots of grass.

Oh, just a typical day in the life of the Autry family.

Needless to say, we had to do the "decontamination" again. I feel the need to put quotation marks around that word. Much like Dr. Evil on Austin Powers with the word "lazer" or "laser" (which one is it, not sure).

We smelled the bleach almost immediatly this time. We're pretty sure we did it correct. I had to repull the sample yesterday and I took it to the lab. We hope the "decontamination" worked and that the test will be negative.

We will totally use this against our child when he/she is a teenager and misses his curfew. "Do you know that we had to get our water tested and our well decontaminated just to get you, and this is how you repay us".

Oh, I kid. I'll just let them know how much they cost.

Because I am nothing without my lists

2008-04-03T15:00:00.000-07:00

It's a list of all the exciting things and not so exciting things going on in our lives currently. It was hard to fit all of these things in paragraph form. So I did what I do best....made a list.

Exciting Things:
1. Tax refund
2. New baby bedding (sent to us by a friend...how excited was I about that?!)
3. A freshly cut yard (thanks Jamie!)
4. A sweet word today from God (you know, that's always cool)
5. Amazing friends
6. Cooking a new meal tonight (and a new dessert)
7. Upcoming Blessings Brunch (I'm way excited about that!)

Things that are not so exciting:
1. Positive test result for bacteria in our water
2. Waiting for the rest of the tests to come back
3. Prolonged approval for adoption because of our water
4. Bills
5. especially electric bills
6. Gas prices
7. My eyebrows (in desperate need of plucking...i hate doing this)

At least there is an equal number of exciting and not so exciting things!

Abundantly More

2008-03-27T14:57:00.000-07:00

"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen" Ephesians 3:20-21

I found this today and I was amazed at how much it spoke to me. I think sometimes it's easy to focus on our situation/circumstance at hand and see what is missing. Often times our prayers, although sincere, focus on the things that are missing. Asking God to provide patience in dealing with this or that, asking God to provide wisdom, asking God to provide financially, asking God to provide stability or maybe freedom from a certain sin. While all of these things are good....we do need to ask God to provide for us where we come up short (which is indeed in everything), the part that I often miss is recognizing where he has already provided and praising Him for his provision.

I tend to focus mostly on my need. I am thankful that I recognize my need. For me, this was a huge turning point in my spiritual journey. So, I don't want you to think that I am down playing that in the least. Realizing our need for God and that we are sinners is ultimately why we need to be saved. But I think what I so often miss is recognizing and aknowledging that God is doing a work inside of me and I am being changed each day.

He is able to do abundantly more that we can ever ask or imagine. And he does. I think I just sometimes miss it because I am focusing on my needs. And then it hits me like a ton a bricks at how much God has completely transformed my heart. He has done more that I could ever ask or imagine.

I remember praying so fervently that God would bless us with a baby. I knew that the desire to have children was placed in my heart by God. I could not understand why it was so difficult for us to conceive. I didn't understand for so long why God would put the desire in my heart to be a mom, buy yet not allow us to get pregnant. It didn't make sense to me. ME. That was the center of my focus for several years. And then one day I realized that it wasn't about me.

And now He is doing abundantly more than I could have ever asked or imagined according to His power that is at work within me. God is answering our prayers for a baby. It is not coming in the way we thought it would initially. But it will be coming. He is answering our prayers and blessing this process of adoption. I have never experienced anything quit like it. I am one of those people who usually is always waiting for the other shoe to drop. Anytime I experience anything good, I know that just around the corner there is a catastrophe. But today, I choose to thank God for his work within me. I choose to hope in our future. I choose to acknowlege that He is doing abundantly more than anything I could ever ask or imagine. And I choose not to think that something bad is lingering near by. God truly is blessing us and I am choosing to be ever so grateful to our Father for considering us worthy of His blessing.

So you think YOU can dance Smith girls and Ronnie?

2008-03-23T19:52:00.000-07:00

Think again. Nothing compares to these moves. It's an official Autry and Smith dance off.

These are the moves that made me fall in love with Jamie in college. He now uses them to get our dog to "dance" with him. Nothing says Easter like an 80's love ballad and a dance party in the kitchen. My favorite part is the lunge move on the sink. Seriously ladies....he's all mine.

The Multitude of Muffins

2008-03-20T13:58:00.000-07:00

So. Today was our home visit. Our social worker was scheduled to arrive at 9:30 a.m. In my mind, that is breakfast time. But maybe to you early risers, that's more like brunch. Either way, I thought I should have something baked.

My solution= mini muffins.

They're little, you don't have to have a plate to eat one, they are delicious, and let's face it....they are just so cute. Everything is cuter when it's tiny. Especially my bottom. And my clothes in high school.

Any how, I borrowed some mini muffin tins from my sister in law. I bought the packages of muffin mix (you know the kind where you just add milk....you didn't actually think I would make these from scratch did you? You might have forgotten where you were reading). I wipped those babies up and had timed it just right to pull them out right before her arrival. We had the coffee brewed and mini muffins cooking and all was right in the land of high carb breakfast.

Jamie decided to take a peak at the muffins while they were cooking. Here is our converstation...

M: "Do you think we'll have time to eat a few before she arrives?"

J: "You know, I just hope we have enough of them" as he stares at the three pans of muffins in the oven.

M: "Do you think I made too many?"

J: "There are 32"

M: "Well, that should be enough for three people. Or maybe we could feed the 5,000? "

Well...

2008-03-13T15:45:00.000-07:00

I'm speechless today.

I have so many different emotions going on that I truly do not know what to say. I feel a little bit like I'm surrounded by a giant bubble and I just float throughout the days activities. Nothing really seems very important.

I seriously can't quit thinking about the fact that Jamie and I will be parents. It's very true that we have no idea when that time will come. But the truth is now, that it will come. And really, I just can't believe it.

I'm scared, excited, sad, overjoyed, overwhelmed, and at peace. How in the world do all of those things exist inside of one person? I am a walking contradicion. One big bottle of oil and water.

It's becoming more real to me as we complete each step of this process. I have three more pieces of paperwork to complete and the BFPOP (big fat packet of paper) will be done. We have one more visit, which will be at our home, and then we're done with the homestudy process. We'll be waiting to hear if we are approved. Then the wait begins for an expectant mother to sacraficially consider adoption and choose us to raise her child.

For so long, the idea of being parents seemed out of reach. Now it's becomming a reality and I just don't know what to say.

How can I have so much love for a child that I've never even met?

Well, I guess I wasn't really speechless. It's probably a pretty safe bet that I'll never truly be speechless.

A Meeting and some Mexican food...a perfect combination

2008-03-07T14:24:00.000-08:00

We went last night for our second meeting with our social worker. This one was quit a bit longer. She met with Jamie while I watched some videos and then we switched. It was sort of like an interview really. I was just praying the whole time that Jamie didn't bust out with any of his inappropriate jokes. 'Cause he has a few.

This meeting went just as smoothly as the first. It was laid back and informal. I didn't even wear my fancy boots this time. I was happy and comfortable in my wallabees and courdaroy pants. I'm not sure how to spell courdaroy. I just looked it up in the dictionary and I couldn't find it. Probably because I don't know how to spell it. That or the fact that it is a .97 cent dictionary from Wal-Mart. It's not exactly all inclusive. Either way, I was comfortable.

The last two meeting we have had to travel to Memphis which is about an hour and a half from our house. And sometimes, I think it's a little bad because I get really excited about that because I know we are going to go out to eat. I mean, not that I don't look forward to our interviews and all, but a chance to not cook and have food prepared for me is like a vacation. Imagine the kinds of things that will excite me after we actually become parents. I might even start liking Wal-Mart.

And just for the record...I heart Mexican food. I could totally eat that cheese dip everyday and never get tired of it. The chips we had last night were toasted to perfection. It was a little slice of salty cornchip goodness dipped in white Mexican cheese heaven. I went to sleep with a smile.

We have one more visit with our social worker. She will actually come to our house to make sure it is "child friendly". So we have to lock up all our guns and get a fire extinguisher. When I say "our" guns, I'm sure by now you know that means Jamie's. I've never shot one in my life.

****I have to interupt this blog to tell you that it is snowing here. Major accumulation on the ground. Well my husband, being the dear heart that he is, just went outside knocked on my office window and pointed to my name he just peed in the snow. ****

Anyway...because this post is getting long and out of control, here is a summary. We had a good meeting, we ate some good Mexican food, and we set up our next visit. After that point she will determine if we are approved and then if we are, we'll just be waiting for an expectant mother to choose us.

That's all for now. Hope your weekend is happy and bright. Our weekend will be white (and the yellow part where my name is).

Update on Process

2008-02-23T12:16:00.000-08:00

I have sent this blog to our friends and family as a way to keep everyone updated on where we are in the adoption process. So this will be a short post to do just that. Don't worry, I'm sure something crazy and funny will happen to us any day now for me to get back to regularly bloggy programing.

We had our first home study visit at our agencies office. It was very laid back and informative. Our social worker just basically got to know us as a couple and learn a little about what led us to adoption. I told her I was adopted, so that brought up lots of questions. Which was fine with me because I never mind talking about it.

Jamie and I finished our self-studies. Whoo. Hoo. I feel like as far as the paper work goes this was the most indepth, intense part. So it is sort of a relief to have that behind us.

I have started going through the rest of the paper work this week and am making good progress. I would say "we" are going through it, but that would be a bold face lie. I just hand Jamie the papers he needs to sign. This has proved to be very successful. Who knows what kind of document I could slip in there. He could sign away his whole fortune to me. If he had a fortune. And then if he did, I would probably have already tapped in to that anyway.

I have started working on our profile. I have to say that I am really enjoying it. It helps that I have a little bit of a design background and own a stationery company. I feel like it might be an unfair advantage.

We are continuing to pray for our future child and his/her mother.

And I realized yesterday an amazing truth. I was driving home and it hit me that our circumstances have not changed over the last 4 years. We are still childless. But I realized how much my heart has been changed. I realized that God loves me so much that he has allowed us to go through this trial to show us that He is all we need. It was a little overwhelming to be honest. I broke down and was a blubbering mess. Thank goodness my eyes get puffy when I cry, we only had to meet friends as soon as I got home. I'm sure no one noticed my red, swollen lips and dried snot on my nose. How do you explain..."I'm not crying because I'm upset"? Well good thing they didn't ask. I'm sure they would have thought I was losing it.

This whole thing is starting to become more real. It's a little bit amazing that God chose us to be a part of it.

Today we begin the journey to meet the child God has for us...

2008-02-19T08:55:00.000-08:00

As I'm sitting here this morning finishing reading the book of James, it hit me that I can't remember the last time I cried due to infertility.

James 1:2-3 says to "Consider it pure Joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know the testing of your faith develops perseverance..."

Have I persevered? Am I on the other side of this suffering?

As I reflect on this, I think my answer is yes! I can't remember the last time I cried. I can't remember the last time I wished I could go look at maternity clothes. I can't remember the last time I got mad when I got my monthly visitor.

I am ok! I think that I have learned to let go. Let go of the idea of having a biological child. More importantly, I think God has shown me that His way is best.

I can't wait to add a baby to our family through adoption. I love children and always have. I thought that not being able to have them would be the worst thing that could ever happen to me. But you know what? It's not.

Through this experience God has taught me so much about himself and myself. For the first time in my life, I began to understand how sinful I am and why I truly needed God to save me. Before, I went to church on Sundays and prayed sometimes when I needed something. I had no understanding of God's glory, grace, and forgiveness. I knew the bible stories and the Sunday school answers. I had asked God into my heart because I didn't want to go to hell. But I had little understanding of making him Lord of my life.

But now? Well now I realize that I am needy. I need a savior. I am sinful. My goal in life is to bring glory to God by my every attitude and action. Not just on Sundays, but day by day, minute by minute. God is my creator, the creator of this universe. He gives me my very breath. Why wouldn't I want to live under His hand, under His control, under His guidance everyday? Obviously He knows more than me!

You see, He knows the whole story and I know the now. He's had my days numbered and my life planned even before I was conceived. He is the one who has led us to this place in our lives. He is the one who is leading us to our child. Whatever avenue our children come to us from, they were designed by the Father to be raised by our family for His purpose.

We don't know what this adoption journey will be like. We can't say for sure that everything will run smoothly (but we are the Autry's so there are sure to be bumps!). But we do know that God is in control and that is all we need to know.

I can't remember the last time I cried. My heart is full of peace and a new kind of joy. It doesn't matter what this life brings, what matters is my response to the One that brings it.

Valentines Day

2008-02-14T09:20:00.000-08:00

"Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. Love does not demand its own way. Love is not irritable, and it keeps no record when it has been wronged. It is never glad about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance (even mohawks.)"*I added that part in*

1 Corinthians 13:4-7

I am very thankful today. I'm thankful most days, but today I am exceptionally thankful. The reason is because I get to share my life with someone who lives out this scripture everyday.

I can never find or use the right words to describe my husband. But those who know him, know what I mean. His love for me is never questionable. His devotion is unwaivering. His gentle spirit is like none other. He is funny and easy going. He is all man but has a sensitive side that he is never afraid to show. He always places my needs before his own. Always. He makes me strive to be better just seeing the way he lives. He loves people genuinly. He is a giver. And even if he does have a mohawk, it makes me love him even more because he is uniquely Jamie.

He is my love. Even when he doesn't pick up his socks. Or cuts his hair into a mohawk. Or shaves his head with dog clippers.

A Tribute of Sorts

2008-02-12T11:02:00.000-08:00

Jamie's hair.

It is a topic of much discussion in our home. When I first met him, his hair was the same length as mine. He grew it out real long in college because he said..."The chicks dig it".

This is Jamie in college with Jill (his sister) at her graduation.

We call this the "feathered" look. He used gel to feather the sides back. Classic 90's.

At this point in his life I don't want to say that he was "ignorant" because that seems very harsh, but his mother did offer him $500 to cut his hair and he declined. Call that what you like.

This is Jamie and me on his graduation day from college. We've gone a little shorter. And yes, I know I used to be way cute in college. Thanks for noticing.

This is shortly after Jamie decided to finally go short. Now...doesn't that look great?! (That's Braden in the picture...so this is about 7 years ago).

This was after we were married. We were in my friend Adrienne's wedding. Shortly before this day, I came home to find Jamie with his head shaved. He used a very savy new haircutting device known as dog clippers. Ladies...he's all mine.

This is this summer, he decided he would start letting it grow out again. I actually really like it this length.

This is after Christmas. It's starting to get a little out of control.

I have been encouraging Jamie for a few months now to please get his hair cut. Today was the day. And this is what he just emailed me...

It should grow back right? He thinks it is very funny and I think he is trying to give me a heart attack. The reason I wanted him to get his haircut this week is because we have a Valentines Gala this Saturday night.

Good thing we'll look real classy. Nothing says class like a "classic" mohawk.

I have tried to convince Jamie that he is in fact not in a rock band and mohawk doesn't exactly scream..."Yes, we are great role models, please give us a baby" or "Hi, nice to meet you, let me build you a baseball field". Not that I have anything against mohawks, but I believe you have to have a certain personality. Or a lot of tatoos. And not wear polo golf shirts and shop at Old Navy. But maybe that's just me.

Looks like we might break out the dog clippers again...

Our Washing Machine Timeline (not quit as exciting as the adoption timeline, but still)

2008-02-12T10:19:00.000-08:00

We, here at the Autry frontier, have washing machine problems. I would say the main problem is that we don't want to drop the money to buy a brand new one. That problem would be called frugal. Or, in our case, poor. Washing machines ain't cheap these days.

So in an atempt to get my readers updated on this ever important, life pressing issue, I have decided to construct a timeline. Really, I just need people to pitttty me. And I do include additional "t's" to really point out the fact that I need a lot of pitttty.

May 2007:
Spin cyle on our 15 year old hand me down washing machine goes out. Husband is out of town all summer (ok, that's a little dramatic, but he was gone a lot).

May 2007 - November 2007:
Wring dripping wet clothes out before putting them in the dryer. Every time I washed. Every. Single. Time

May 2007-November 2007:
Develop red "raw" spots on the insides of my thumbs after wringing out towels. Every. Single. Time.

October 2007:
Dryer starts to work inconsistently due to the over working of the machine because of the dripping wet clothes.

November 2007:
A "new to us" washer and dryer was graciously given to us by a couple in Clarksville who had purchased a new set. I hook those babies up and can't wash clothes fast enough. The spin cylce works! Clothes are not dripping! I don't have to wring them out! All is well in the land of laundry.

February 2008:
Spin cyle on new washer breaks. Seriously.
Determined to not wring out clothes again, we call the repair man because the washer is fairly new.
$122 later, it is now in working condition.

We just hope it stays that way.

Yet Another Tornado

2008-02-06T10:01:00.000-08:00

You know it's not going to be a fun night when the weather man comes on and says there is a chance for severe weather. Here in west TN we are all too familiar with severe storms. I feel like we are "tornado shy". Living in this area and hearing those words provokes in most a sense of anxiety. Maybe not fear per say, but a definate alertness and awareness to be on guard. The storm shelter industry is a booming business. And I have to say our storm shelter was one of the best purchases we have ever made. The peace of mind is worth every single penny.

I can not imagine how the students at Union University felt as the tornado was tearing apart their dorms. Seeing the images of that campus hits home the point that tornados are not to be taken lightly. They are real and they are dangerous.

But in the middle of all the rubble, all the mess, all the disaster, I stand in awe that not a single life was lost on that campus. There were no storm shelters to run to, no underground basements. These college kids got in their bathrooms and prayed that God would spare them while listening to the roof of their dorms being torn off.

God's protective hand was on that campus last night. While there are injuries and lots of loss of belongings, every life was protected. After seeing all the damage, all we can do is stand in amazement and sing praise to our Father because we truly witnessed a miracle.

Please be in prayer for Union. For the misplaced students, the faculty and staff, and the parents whom I'm sure are weary. I know that much will be needed in the upcoming days and weeks as far as clean up goes. We also need to pray for the leadership of that university in making decisions for the rest of the semester.

"The Lord himself watches over you! The Lord stands beside you as your protective shade. The sun will not hurt you by day, nor the moon at night. The Lord keeps you from all evil and preserves your life. The Lord keeps watch over you as you come and go, both now and forever." -Psalm 121:5-8

Obviously our goals in life are different...

2008-02-05T11:06:00.001-08:00

I mentioned in the last post that we are starting to work on our self studies. This is an 11 page packet of questions. Questions about our personality, goals, marriage, upbringing, the way we view discipline, and how we feel about biracial adoption. I've only gotten through the first five questions. Jamie has not started. But after much nagging, I mean gentle encouragement, from me we did start discussing this last night.

One of the questions asks you to list personal goals for yourself and your family. This was a difficult question for me to answer. I think I came up with something profound like..."Our ultimate goal as a family is always to be God honoring and bring glory to Him through everything that we do. All of our other goals are null and void if this is not our first priority."

That's good right?!

Yeah, I thought so too.

So after asking Jamie about his goals, this is what he had to say...

"I love to fish, so one of my personal goals has always been to catch a big one."

I'm afraid we're never going to get a baby.

Personality Type? I'm clueless...

2008-01-31T10:34:00.000-08:00

So. It's 12:30 and I am still in my pajamas. Now I realize that some of you might read this and gasp. But for me, it's a personal achievment. I live for days I don't have to get out of my pj's. Does this make me lazy? Well...I don't think so. I like to think of it as saving the environment. The less clothes I dirty up, the less I have to wash, the less water and detergent gets used, the less electricity gets used...and so on and so forth. So really, I'm going green. Al Gore would be so proud. I know that my friend Jennifer totally understand this position. That is why she and I are friends. We appreciate the feel of cotton on all parts of the body at all times of the day.

As I've been laying, I mean working diligently around the house today, I decided it would probably be a good time to start on the next amount of paperwork for the adoption. It is 11 pages of questions about myself. Now, typically I would love to answer questions about myself. It would be my perfect day....pj's and talking about me. But then as I dove into the questions, I realized it is much more difficult than I thought.

The very first question "Describe your personality; include what you view as your strengths and weaknesses."

I realized, that I actually have to come up with weaknesses.

Ok, that was just a joke. I know that I have some. Less than most. But still.

In all seriousness though, it is very hard describing your personality. I can look at any of my friends and describe their personalities without question, but when it comes to myself I'm not sure if I'm actually describing how I am or how I "want" to be. Because I'm sure those two are very different.

I want to be a fashionista. The real me is still in flannel pj's and an oversized sweatshirt with a little bit of beef stew on the front of it at 12:30.

I want to be a people person. The real me doesn't like going to Wal-Mart because of all the people.

I want to be adventurous. The real me would much rather just stay at home.

I want to be a deep thinker. The real me gets hung up in the Britney Spears drama and has to resist the urge to buy Us Weekly.

So you can see my dilema. And of course I can't write things like, "well my biggest weakness is that I hate to grocery shop because I think Sam Walton had a secret ploy to take over the world with his superstores and stupid yellow smiley faces." I have to write things that will make people like me. Which is hard for me. It's hard for me to be really honest about myself. I can't figure out why.

So if one of you reading this could just leave me a comment and describe my personality that would be great. I would totally take your word for it because obviously I am not qualified to describe myself. I think that I am a superhero, when in fact I was hiding in the bathtub the other day because of the wind.

I feel like my purpose for having a blog has been fufilled

2008-01-29T14:55:00.000-08:00

I do. I feel like I have arrived in the blog world and completely fufilled my purpose for having a blog.

Why?

Well I'll tell you. Someone got to my blog by doing a google search for.....

"Can you build a deck on a double-wide?"

Why yes. Yes you can. Good luck with your deck building adventures. I'm always here to lend out advice and know how on all things trailer related. You came to the right place my friend. I can give you lots of info on double-wides and Jesus.

I know an Israelite

2008-01-28T07:29:00.000-08:00

I figured out something yesterday. I am an Israelite. I am one of those people in the desert that God saved, but still wanted more and complained about it.

That's me.

I started this blog almost a year ago to chronicle our adoption process. Well, that didn't happen because we decided to put the process on hold for awhile. So for the past year I have been writing (very irregularly lately) on random occurances in our crazy lives.

Well, now. Here we are. We are sending our adoption application off today. Now I can begin sharing with the world (aka..my three friends who read this) all of the ups and downs that come with adopting a baby.

So the Isrealite thing? How does that tie into the adoption process? Well, thanks for asking.

I have come to a somewhat peace with our infertility. I say somewhat peace, because I'm not quit sure how one can ever be fully at peace with this situation this side of heaven. So I'll stick with somewhat peace. Which is perfectly ok with me. But this is what I caught myself saying on numerous occasions over the past few weeks...."You know, if we were going to be infertile, I at least wish we would have the means to afford adoption."

See that? That's an Israelite in the desert right there. I believe how it was spoken yesterday at church was something like this...."God, if you are going to lead us out in this desert, at least give us some food and water."

Oh, those crazy Israelites. Why couldn't they see that God was in control and provided their every need?

Probably the same reason that I can't see that. I rely on myself. I see things mostly from my perspective and how I think things should be.

I guess what I need to realize is that God has led us to this place in our lives. Why, oh why, would he do that if he was not going to provide in every way for us? The answer is that he wouldn't. He will provide in His time and on His terms. I guess I just need to quit complaining...and just start doing paperwork. Lots and lots of paperwork. Oh, ther is a lot of paperwork.

Have I mentioned that adoption takes a lot of paperwork?

Life Lessons from a Double Wide: Christmas Trees don't really need stands

2007-12-19T09:19:00.000-08:00

Some of you may recall the Double Wide series here on the blog. It was the beginning of the Autry Adventure. We lived in a double wide trailer for the first four years of our marriage and I learned some valuable lessons during that time.

Well, every year at Christmas I can't help but think back to our first Christmas together as a married couple in our trailer. I'm sure it was similiar to the first Christmas in the manger. Well, you know except for the birth of our savior and all. It was a sweet, simple Christmas full of recycled gifts and Christmas trees.

It all began when I was getting my hair cut and colored. I mentioned to the girl that was cutting my hair that Jamie and I did not have a Christmas tree. Now, why it didn't occur to me to just go get a real one, I'll never know. We had always had artificial trees growing up, I wasn't even aware that people still had real trees. Anyway (that is my most used phrase on the blog)...she told me that her and her husband had an artificial tree that they were not using and going to give away. So I quickly took her up on that offer. I could not pass up a free tree.

She did mention that it didn't have a stand, but I thought that was a minor detail.

So we got the tree and came home to put it up. We didn't exactly have a lot of extra cash floating around during that time. There was no extra money for christmas tree stands or groceries for that matter. We decided to do what the Autry family is best known for, we would improvise (or rig, as I like to say).

Jamie found an old paint can and we put the tree down in that. We stuffed grocery bags all around the bottom of it to hold it in place. Then we placed the paint can in a big box. We stuffed clothes and shoes around the paint can to hold that in place. And wallah....the tree was standing.

But then we had a problem....

When we went to put the ornaments and lights on, the tree started falling forward. With each addition of ornament the farther over it would fall. We both stood there, looking at the tree, trying to figure out what we should do. Then Jamie came up with an idea.

He went and found a nail and a shoestring. He hammered the nail into the wall behind the tree and tied the shoestring around the tree and around that nail. It made it stand perfectly up straight. We no longer had to worry about the tree falling over. It was a Christmas miracle. Jamie and I stood back and looked at the tree after it was all up and decorated and we both started to cry. It wasn't much, but it was ours. Paint can, shoestring and all.

Presents were another issue all together that year. It was the first time that we were on our own for Christmas. Our parents were past the stage of just putting our name on their gift. We had to really buy people stuff. So we did what anyone else would do in that situation, we gave away stuff we didn't use.

I remember that we had received some binoculars at a dirty santa gift exchange earlier in the season. We thought that those would be a perfect gift for Jamie's dad. It worked great until he asked us where we got them. He thought he would exchange them for something that he needed. We told him that we couldn't remember and didn't keep the receipt.

I don't remember what I got Jamie that year, but I'll never forget what he gave me. I got a curling iron and a blue shirt. I don't know if I've told you about this before, but I can not hide my expressions on my face. You can usually tell what I am thinking by my face (good or bad). So when I opened up that shirt, I think Jamie could probably tell it wasn't my favorite thing I got that year. He asked if I liked it and I said yes. He said, "I'm sorry that it is not a lot, but it's really all I could afford." My eyes got all teary and I told him I loved it and would keep it forever. I think I actually wore it once too. But I'll never, ever get rid of it.

The next year we were able to purchase a new Christmas tree (stand and all). But, I'll never forget that first Christmas. What we cared about was that we were together. It didn't matter how much or how little we had. We were thankful that we had a roof over our head and a place that had heat. Even if it was infested with mice and mold and we had bad water. Or that our Christmas tree had to be held up by a shoestring and a paint can.

I know, I know....I'm a big 'ol slacker

2007-12-13T07:36:00.000-08:00

So, I haven't been great at updating the blog the past month or two. I really apologize about that. I know that the four of you who actually read this blog just haven't been the same without it. I can feel your pain. I don't know what I would do if I wasn't around myself for a month. I am highly entertaining. And humble.

I thought about making a list of things that have happened since our last encounter. I won't write any more poems, but don't you worry....one of those might appear again someday.
So here we go...all the events in the life of the Autry's since last time-

1. Jamie made it home safely and we were very happy about it. I will leave it at that.

2. Loop De Lou has been swamped with Christmas orders. People need their paper. And they need it by Christmas. So, I have been working like a real person at a regular job. I almost worked 40 hours last week. Watch out. Move over Donald Trump...I'm making my way into corporate America.

3. We had Thanksgiving with Jamie's family and I got to bring hot food. I also made my first ever pie. Before then I had been a pie virgin. But I made a mean apple pear crumble pie. It was a hit. And I also made the sweet potato casserole which qualifies me in the Autry household as a "real" woman. Betty Crocker really doesn't hold a candle.

4. I went home to Clarksville and two great events happened there. First, I got to see all of my friends from high school at our annual Christmas party. It is always fun to get together with friends from high school. Its always like "Oh, my goodness...guess what I heard..." and "Oh, girl...do you know who I saw the other day...". Then we listened to the spice girls and reminaced (i really wish it would underline and automatically correct my spelling) about every boy and every girl, all the people of the world and remembered that we do need to spice up our lives after all.
Then an even greater event occured. Jamie and I were the recipiants (need spell check again here) of a new washer and dryer. Well, new to us. It was like Christmas. We came home hooked those babies up and I can't quit washing clothes. Last week every towel in the house was clean. That hasn't happened since April. It was an exciting time in our lives. I have to resist the urge to hug them on occassion.

5. We went on a little trip. Not the acid kind. But to Nashville. We went to see Nickel Creek and their Farewell for now tour. It was ahhh mazing. Jill and William (Jamie's sister and her husband) accompanied us. It was our goal on the trip to convince Jill and William that we are the most fun couple they know. By the end we made them say it.
They left the day after the concert and Jamie and I stayed one more night. You see, ever since we have been married, I have been telling Jamie how much I would love to visit the Opryland hotel at Christmas. I wanted to see all the lights, to walk hand and hand through the mezzanine, sip on coffee, and stop at the little cafe and have dessert. This was going to be the year. We were staying right across the street ('cause you know the actual Opryland hotel ain't cheap). Anyway, it was all planned. Then thanks to Burger King and their crappy chicken sandwich, Jamie came down with a case of the 'ol food poisoning. We made it to the hotel only to pay $17 in parking walk inside for a few minutes and then leave so Jamie could go back to the hotel and spend some time alone with the porcelain (i really can't spell) throne. Thanks a lot BK, see if I ever prefer your fries again in a taste test.

6. Tim Tebow won the Heisman (I really should have put this as number 1). For those of you who don't know, he is the sophomore quarterback for the Florida Gators. He's gotten just a little bit of press this year.

7. I learned that I love apple cider. Which shouldn't surprise me. I am always game for a hot cup of anything.

8. We made our first ever advent tree. I use the term tree loosly here. It's really just a branch. I have pictures and a really good story about retreiving the brance that I may save for another day. Just trust me when I say it's got Autry written all over it.

I guess that get's us all caught up. We are finally nearing the end of our Christmas rush at Loop De Lou and I think I will have all next week off. Hopefully I can be more faithful to the blog! Stay tuned for another installment of Life Lessons from a Double Wide. You have to hear about our first Christmas there. It's truly heartwarming.....

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2007-11-09T18:11:00.000-08:00

I couldn't think of a good way to title this post to show the excitement that I am currently feeling. I hope the exlamation points can convey the emotion. If not, maybe this smiley emoticon will help :0)

That's happiness right there.

So, I guess by now you are wondering why I am, in fact, so excited. Well I will tell you in a short poem.

I've been all alone for 9 long weeks
No one to talk to or kiss my cheeks.

I've been mad, and sad and cried a little
I've been forced into making up riddles

I've had some fun hangin with the dog
And even watching our pet frog

But sooner or later those things get old
And I need somewhere to put my feet when they're cold

But no longer by myself will I roam
Jamie is finally on his way home!!!!!!!!

Sorry, you had to endure that bad poem. I just thought I would change things up on the blog a little. I'm almost for certain that some literary people somehwere will get a hold of this masterpiece and have it published in 11th grade english books everywhere. It's really only a matter of time.

But as you can see, I am very happy that Jamie is coming home. He is leaving Arkansas tomorrow and coming home for good. I am happy for a lot of reasons, but I must say that my feet do really get cold at night and I have truly missed placing them on his bare legs. I'm sure he has missed that also. His wife is a perfect bundle of pure sweetness.

I'm off to prepare the house for the husband. We don't want him coming home to a mountain of dirty towels.

Is it really almost November?

2007-10-30T18:36:00.000-07:00

I really can't believe how time flies. I know that it is sort of cliche and people always talk about it (much like the weather), but I really can't believe it's the end of October. I don't know why I've been thinking so much about time lately. Maybe because I feel like I don't have much of it.

God has really been speaking to me lately about making time. I do spend time with him, but I often don't make enough time for others. It's hard to balance things that have to be done with things that we would like to do. I have always desired balance. I want to balance work with home life, I want to balance quiet time with spending time with others. But I realized (thanks in part to Jean Stockdale.....a little shout out) that balance should not be my goal. My lifes breath should be about God and what is pleasing to him. The funny part is, I know this. Intellectually I know that my life should be pleasing to him. My heart desires for my life to be pleasing to him. But my view has been so skewed. I have been working to be pleasing to him. I have been trying to find balance because I think that is what a "good Christian woman, wife, friend" should do. And I thought that if I could just find balance, then I would be on my way to living a good Christian life.

I was wanting balance to make my life easier. It had little to do with God and a lot to do with me.

And I tell you, that this new idea has really just blown me away. It's ok to not have balance....what? Who ever knew?

It's ok that I don't have any clean towels because I spent 2 hours writing a friend a letter during some free time. It's ok that my floors are dirty because I have spent extra time visiting with friends.

And here's the big kicker.....I don't feel one bit of anxiety or guilt over those things. I don't feel like I have let my husband down because when he came home there wasn't a clean towel in the house. I don't. Before, I would have thought that I was just a terrible wife for allowing all the towels to get dirty. I was putting too much emphasis on my abilities. I was being so prideful. My priorities were way off and I didn't even know it. I thought I was being pleasing to the Lord, when in fact I was more worried about pleasing myself by checking things off my to do list.

I know the mundane tasks of life still have to be done. I really do need to wash my towels. They are a little bit out of control (but to my defense our washer is broken). But how much have I missed because my focus has not been on the eternal? My eyes have not been fixed solely on Jesus. And I didn't even realize it!

I confessed to a friend the other day that "I just don't have it together". And I don't. Outwardly. But God has been doing a mighty work inside. He is teaching me to see things from an eternal perspective. He is teaching me to see the things that I need to do and to see the things that I don't. He is teaching me to think through things from a completely different perspective and most of all, I am learning how to seek him in every area of my life.

It really is almost November, and time is flying. I don't want to miss another minute by being bogged down with things I deem important. I want to be guided, in all things, by the One who gave me this life and is the very source of life.

Accept....seems simple enough

2007-10-15T08:44:00.000-07:00

For those of you who know me, know that Jamie has been gone for five weeks working on a baseball field in northwest Arkansas (6 hours away). He got to come home to visit this past weekend. But he returned yesterday to Arkansas and is now beginning his 6th week away from home.

Sometimes, I can find myself getting discouraged. I miss him so much and just get tired of being by myself. Well, I have Menne....but after a while of her not talking back to me, it just seems weird to continue talking to her. Anyway-I feel like I have been handeling the whole situation farely well. I have moments where I give into my emotions and get mad at his job for taking him away. But for the most part I am dealing.

I knew that this weekend would be a challenge though. I have seen him (I have traveled to AR twice), but it was the first time to have him home in five weeks. It was how it is supposed to be. It really feels like there is a piece missing when he is not here. It feels less like a home. So this weekend, the pieces were made whole again. But then he had to go back. I was fine when he left. It wasn't until I was pulling in the driveway after SaLT group that I really began to get upset. Our house was back to being incomplete again. And well, that just makes me sad.

As I was thinking about all of these things this morning, I began to give into self pity. She is an old friend of mine. I can find much comfort in residing there. I began thinking to myself that I wish things could just be easy for us for once. I started thinking about all the things that have been difficult. About how the week Jamie left my car broke down. About how our washing machine doesn't work properly and now, as of last week, the dryer is not working either. About how we have been trying to have a baby for three years and that hasn't happened. About how my husband is in a job that takes him away from home for weeks at a time and how hard that is. I was thinking that I just wanted a break already.

And then God revealed a little nugget of truth to me...

"You must accept whatever situation the Lord has put you in, and continue on as you were when God first called you..." (1 Corinthians 7:17).

Just accept it. Our situation is what it is. I do not need to over dramatize it, I don't need to feel sorry for myself. God is in complete control of our lives. He has us in each situation for a purpose. His purpose is far greater than anything I could ever imagine for myself. So in acceptance is peace and that leads to joy. Joy in God's sovereignty no matter what circumstances I find myself in.

I know this truth. I regularly have to remind myself of it. But it is just what I needed to read on this Monday morning as I'm starting a new week without Jamie here. And I think it's just what he needs to read as he starts his Monday morning away from home.

It is easy for us to accept good things from the Lord, but it is much more difficult to accept tough situations. We want to figure out how to fix them. Acceptance in our culture is not "acceptable". We are taught to always strive for a better life situation. Work harder, have more, seek the latest medical treatments, don't sit still, don't accept anything less than the best. But is this the message of Christ?

I know that there is a lot of suffering all over the world and that what I'm going through may sound trivial to some, but I am convinced that no matter the scale of our trials, we are called to the same thing. Acceptance. Denying ourselves and our desires and wants (no matter if those desires are good....babies, health, etc..) and resting in our situation that the Lord has us in. Relying on Him to show up and reveal his truths to us. That's what it's about. By accepting and not "bucking" our situation, we are bringing much glory to God. Outsiders can look to us and have no other explanation for how we handle things than Christ himself.

God, please remind me of this everyday, in every situation. I want to accept whatever flows from your hand.

I have searched high and low and now I have my prize!

2007-10-04T08:20:00.000-07:00

I have been in search for something for several years now. It is what I like to call the "perfect transitional shoes". What the perfect transitional shoes are to me are shoes that I can wear in the fall and spring that are:

1. Not boots

2. Not flip flops

3. closed toe, but not dressy

4. something I can wear with jeans or capris

5. not expensive

So you see, I'm not really picky at all. I have no idea why it has taken me years to find that perfect shoe.

Well, I am pleased to announce to the world that I found them. It was a scenario that was quit like something out of an old western movie. Somewhat of a showdown one might say. I was gracefully walking down the shoe aisle at T.J. Maxx when I spotted this cute little blonde girl carrying "the perfect transitional shoes". I watched out of the corner of my eye as she carried them down the aisle and to the full length mirror. Oh, I tried to look like I was looking at other shoes, but I was honed in on the ones she had in her hand.

I watched as she tried them on with her jeans. They were perfect. Casual and comfy, sporty and cute. Fall or Spring appropriate. They were the perfect transitional shoes. If only I had seen them first.

I hung on to a nuggett of hope that maybe, just maybe, she would walk over and set them back down on the shelf. I watched her as she walked up and down the aisles carrying MY shoes in her hands. I followed her (from a distance of course) and I noticed her stop. She picked up another pair of shoes to go try on. Well, when she did this, she sat the perfect transitional shoes down. I, being ever so graceful and full of humility, walked over and picked them up. She glanced at me slightly and I smiled and then I turned and made my way to the big mirror. I could feel her staring at me as I walked down the aisle of victory. I was giving myself an imaginary high five in my head.

I headed to the mirror and slipped on the perfect pair of transitional shoes. Just as I had imagined all these years. They were indeed perfect. And they were the perfect fit. And they were only $16.99!!!! I held on to these treasures and I wasn't letting go. I carried them in my arms throughout the rest of my T.J. Maxx journey. I wouldn't make the same mistake as blonde girl.

Sorry cute, little blonde girl. Once you sit something back on the shelf, it is fair game for anyone.

I feel certain that God sent me these little gifts of shoe delight because of the loss of my flip flops earlier this year. Rest their soles.

Behold the perect transitional shoes....

These are so me! I love them and I would be lying just a little if I said it didn't make my whole trip to Arkansas worth it (other than seeing my loving husband of course).

Maybe I told a little lie...

2007-10-01T18:39:00.000-07:00

So, I was going to start a new segment on the blog. I had thought about it for two weeks after talking to my friend Angie. I was going to do a "Manageable Meals on Monday" sort of thing where I would write out easy meals that the average person could make. Because really, if I'm making it....it can't be hard. It came about after a conversation we had about her needing some simple recipes that she is not intimidated by. And well, I have lots of those because I don't make anything that requires a lot of effort or ingredients that I've never heard of and can't buy at "the wal-marts".

That was the plan. And I was going to start it today. But here it is 9:15 and I just don't have the energy. So once again, I apologize for my lack of bloggingness (I could have just made up that word.)

In all seriousness, I am having a hard time right now keeping the once a week commitment. I have lots of things I want to write about (important things like my NEW shoes!), but can't seem to find the time to sit down and do it. Jamie has been gone for going on four weeks now. He is working on a big job in northwest Arksansas. So my time has been spent traveling back and forth from here to there and trying to keep up with Loop De Lou. It's been a little trying, so the blog has fallen to probably number 97 on the priority list. Because I'm a little bit dramatic and want to make you think I have 100 things to do. (When in reality it's more like seven.)

So there it is. My failure to follow through on Manageable Meals on Monday. Really, it's better to bail out now before you even knew what you were missing. And I assure you, you would have been missing some mighty fine mediocre meals.

Sorry...

2007-09-24T15:15:00.000-07:00

Sorry to all of my loyal blog readers. I have not had much blog worthy material lately or much time to sit and blog. But I will be back, one of these days. I am going to start a segment to the blog on Mondays. More to come on that later. Check back next Monday for the launch.

Hopefully between now and then I can put words into sentences and write some more life changing material. (Obviously I use the phrase "life changing" very loosly) (Because I'm sure tons of you have been greatly affected by my love of the Florida gators).

Stay tuned...

The anticipation is just too much

2007-09-15T10:04:00.000-07:00

Does anyone know what today is?

It is only the game that Jamie and I look forward too all the year long. It is the match up between the Florida Gators (cough...national champions) and the Tennessee Volunteers.

Have no doubt that I am all clad in my orange and blue anxiously awaiting the game that begins in exactly 2 hours and 20 minutes. I am cautious to talk a lot of "trash" because as I general rule I like to save the trash talking until a W is achieved. So stay tuned.

Some have asked the orgins of the Gator love and I feel the need to explain this since we do live in Tennessee after all....

It all began when I was no less than 2 years old and realized my fathers love for all things Alabama football and hate for all things Volunteers. Growing up Bear Bryant was somewhere between my fathers love for my mother and his love for God. I was bread (not sure if this is the proper spelling, but you get the point) to dislike anything that had to do with TN football.

As I grew into a young woman and met the love of my life, I realized that in all honesty I was a little bit indifferent to the whole world of college football. I knew that I didn't like TN, but really didn't understand why boys wasted their Saturdays watching College Game Day.

Jamie has always been a big Florida fan. His aunt and cousin both graduated from Gainesville. He feels like that is a good enough connection (and I must say I now agree).

Needless to say that when we started dating I tried to act interested in the Gators just to seem acceptable to Jamie (obviously at that time I was fully confident in my own abilities to woo him). But after we married and I knew that I pretty much had him, I actually started to enjoy watching the gators.

Now, it is a full blown love affair. As I woke up this morning with my first thought being about the big game today, it did cross my mind that maybe it has gone too far. I am currently in Arkansas visiting Jamie as he is working on one of his jobs. I can't say for sure that I came to visit him solely for the purpose that I missed him. It might have had something to do with watching the game together with a fellow gator fan (that I happen to be madly in love with).

And I might be telling a lie if I said that I was ok with the fact that I left my old gator shirt at home. The one I was wearing when the Gators won the SEC championship, the one I was wearing when they became the national champions in both football and basketball. I, instead, purchased a new shirt, not considering that the fate of the Florida Gator football program rest on the shoulders of MY old blue shirt. I really don't know what I was thinking.

Hopefully my new orange shirt and my gator flip flops will hold the same power. We will see my friends. I am really fighting the urge not to "live" blog the entire game.

GO GATORS!

What does matter?

2007-09-13T06:43:00.000-07:00

"For I want you to understand what really matters, so that you may live pure and blameless lives until Christ returns." -Philippians 1:10

So what does really matter?

Christ. (period!). This is what our lives business needs to be about DAILY (hourly, minute by minute). We must submit our thoughts, actions, words every minute to God's authority "so that we may live pure and blameless lives".

We stay so busy in our day to day lives. We rush from one thing to another, making sure all our I's are dotted and T's are crossed. We think this is what a good Christian would do. But we have taken the word of God and squashed it! We make it fit into our daily schedules, maybe spending 20 minutes reading His word, but then not applying the principles to our every thought and every decision and every action. In turn we squash the power of God himself and his ability to be Lord over our lives... all because we are too busy with our own schedules.

I realized this yesterday in my own life. Yes, I am spending time in God's word each and every day. I come away from my quiet time with a "feel good" kind of feeling. I made a list of things that are pleasing to the Lord and things that aren't pleasing to the Lord. On the list of things that aren't was anger. I had just finished by quiet time and walked out the door only to have a muddy dog jump up on my clean shorts. My reaction......anger at the dog for getting me dirty.

Most people would tell me I was justified in getting angry at the dog, but was I? Really, all it was was an inconvenience to me that he got me dirty. So in reality, it doesn't really matter. "Understand what really matters, so that you may live pure and blameless lives...".

May we realize our sin and how wretched we are. On our own we are nothing and can do nothing of lasting importance. We need God to save us from our pit of despair. We need God daily, hourly, minute by minute. Not just when he fits into our schedules. May we take the word of God and uplift it to the absolute authority in our lives, so that we don't squash the power of God, but rejoice in it and the things that he is working out in us!

May I not view the word of God as a guidebook on how to live a better life or how to be a good wife. But that I can see it as the powerful tool that it is and to realize that it's pages are filled with the words of the soveriegn GOD. How grateful we need to be the God chose to communicate with us (wretched sinners) through this book. May we not squash it's power! May we realize "what really matters".

Football explained by a 3 year old

2007-09-06T08:26:00.000-07:00

On Saturday, we had some friends and their kids come over for dinner. After dinner the boys retired to the living room to watch football, while Ellen and me sat on the front porch. Annalise, their 3 year old daughter, was going back and forth. She couldn't decide which company she prefered.

After she came out to the porch, I asked her if she knew who was winning the game. This was her response...

"The boys that are falling down are not winning, and the boys that are not falling down are winning."

I'm so glad that I got that clarity.

And I must tell you that I am super excited that football season has begun. We are big Florida Gator fans in my house. I printed out the schedule weeks ago to display on the fridge. We couldn't wait until the game opener last Saturday. We were not disappointed with the Gators performance.

I need to make sure I tell Urban Myer (Gator head football coach), to make sure his boys don't fall down as much and that way they will be sure to win!

This Just In

2007-08-30T10:39:00.001-07:00

I saw this in the sky the other day...

Reports are unconfirmed, but it is rumored to have been a rain cloud. The effidence is not 100% clear because no actual precipitation was documented. We have not seen the likings of such in several weeks, so the jury is still out on what a said "rain" cloud would acutally look like.

Due to lack of liquid falling from the sky and skyrocketing temperatures, my plant life is not sustaining very well. It is causing my flowers to look like this...

and this...

Despite numerous amounts of revitalizing efforts on my part.

And here is a lovely picture of my yard. We are sure to win the "best yard of the month" award. We are keeping our fingers crossed and hope to see a picture of this lush green yard in the "Friendship Times" next week.

Try not to covet.

My youth is a distant memory...

2007-08-28T13:14:00.000-07:00

I know that I am moving into another phase of life. The reason I know this for sure is because I got very excited over a new cleaning product today. Actually two new products. Well, one is more like a tool.

1. Scrubbing Bubbles flushable wipes for the bathroom
2. A new toilet brush.

Obviously my life is full of fun and very exciting things. But the wipes are just so great, you just wipe and flush. Wallah. It's like some kind of magic. And the toilet brush, well it's not so much the brush that I'm excited about, it's more of the carrying case thingy. I just pick up the handle and it is easily transportable. That makes me happy.

There's really not a point here. Other than I realized as I was wiping down my toilet, how truly excited I was about these new products, and well....that just sort of summed up the fact that I'm not the same person I used to be. Gone are the days of youthfull care free moments. I am cleaning toilets and am in awe of the tools I am using. When did this happen?

So what is righteousness?

2007-08-27T09:00:00.000-07:00

I have been reading a book called "Sacred Marriage" by Gary Thomas. I can't begin to tell you how great this book is. The tagline on the cover says... "what if God designed marriage to make us holy more than to make us happy." This is the basic core of the book, how God uses marriage (and relationships in general) to call us away from ourselves and towards himself.

There is a chapter called "Sacred History: building the spiritual discipline of perseverance". It talks about how true holiness can be learned through perseverance instead of giving up when things get tough. I wanted to quote a paragraph the Gary writes because it REALLY, REALLY stuck out to me:

"Righteousness-true holiness- is seen over time in our persistence. It is relatively easy to "flirt" with righteousness - being occasionally courteous to other drivers (if you happen to be in a good mood), helping someone in need by opening the door for them (if you have the time), throwing a few extra bucks into the offering plate (as long as you won't miss them). But this behavior is in reality superficial righteousness.
The righteousness that God seeks is persistent righteousness, a commitment to continue making the right decision even when, perhaps hourly, you feel pulled in the opposite direction. Holiness is far more than an inclination toward occasional acts of kindess and charity. It is a commitment to persistent surrender before God."

I think so often we are self-righteous. We may have an inclination to do occasional acts of kindess and charity and somehow see that as good enough because it makes us feel better about ourselves. But true righteousness is an attitude of persistence. Constantly laying down ourselves before the feet of God. Persistenly seeking his ways and not our own. So wether we are faced with difficult decisions in marriage, or just our attitudes when someone cuts us off when driving, our response should always be surrender. Not clinging to our own self-righteousness and demanding our way, but releasing (even hourly) our attitudes and selfishness to clothe ourselves in humility and surrender to God's holy ways.

I think so often we read these things and feel convicted, but don't practically know how to apply these principles. What does "persistent surrender before God" look like? It's easy for me to surrender when we have a big decision to make in our marriage. It's easy for me to surrender my desire for a child (although not so easy at first!). What is difficult is my attitude when the trash needs to be taken out and isn't. What is difficult is my attitude when Jamie gets home later than he said because I think he needs to be home earlier. What is difficult is waiting in line for 30 minutes, when I think there should be other lines open.

I hope that I can be persistent in pursuing righteousness, and not "flirt" occasionally with acts of righteousness and charity. I pray that God reminds me of my attitudes in everyday situations. Because really, if we can't get it when we are driving our cars, how can we really get it when faced with lifes bigger challenges?

Intelligence at it's finest hour

2007-08-21T12:57:00.000-07:00

Do you ever have those days? You know, the kind of days when you wake up, the birds are chirping, the air is clear, the sun is shining, and you just feel smart. You can look back throughout your life and remember days that were truly remarkable. Maybe you did something terrific like run a marathon, or just got all the things done on your "to do" list. Maybe you aced a test or that light bulb over your head started working and you discovered something great.

Well, today was one of those days for me. I did something that was by far one of the most intelligent things I have done to date. And believe me when I tell you....there have been many my friends. There have been many.

I got a load of dirty laundry. Put it in the basket. I started the washer. I put in the detergent. I sprinkled in the oxy clean. I closed the lid. I went about my business. Two hours later, I discovered that basket of dirty laundry. I discovered that the washing machine had gone through an entire cycle with nothing in there but water, All, and oxy clean. And people say discoveries are for smart people. What do they know?

It's just my way of conserving water and helping out the enviroment. It's really the least I can do.

It's hard to think of anything to say when it is 106 degrees

2007-08-16T13:54:00.000-07:00

It would be quit the understatement to say it was hot. That small word doesn't even begin to describe what it is like outside. I feel like you can actually feel the air as you wave your arms in front of you. Like you are parting it. Much like the Red Sea. Except, you know, without Moses and all the Isrealites and the miracle. But other than that, I think it's the same.

In all honesty though, people keep talking about how hot it is and I can say that I haven't really noticed. Just because the only time I am in the heat is from: house to car, car to work, work to car, car to house.

I did step out to water my flowers today. They aren't doing so hot. Or they are very hot as it may be.

But the reason for today's post doesn't really have all that much to do with the heat. Well, that is what originally got me thinking about it, but today I want to write about sweet Jamie.

Jamie gets up at 5:00 every morning. He goes to work, where he works outside in the hot sun all day long. And by all day, I really literally mean all day. He generally gets home at 8:00 on an early night and 10:00 on a late night.

Can you only imagine if that was me? He would never hear the end of it. I would be complaining all the way to ten buck two. (By the way, does anyone actually know where that is?)

But not Jamie. He never says one word about being hot. He never complains about how much work he is doing. I can see it in his eyes when he comes in, but he never, ever, says a word. He comes home every night with a smile on his face, ready to see me, not one time mentioning the scortching temperatures. I really could be learning a lot from him. I have had a yucky sinus infection the past two days and can't seem to talk about much else. I like pitty. What can I say?

I am reminded often about how genuine Jamie is. I am floored by his sensitivity, his good heart, and his love for life in general. He is such an amazing person and I feel so honored that God thought I deserved him. Because I realize often, that I don't. I get to see that sincere heart day in and day out and so often I take it for granted.

And if you think I am writing this just so Jamie can read it (although I might forward it to him...not a bad idea now that I think about it) you would be wrong because he doesn't read the blog. Heck, he just jumped on the who email bandwaggon a few months ago. I just was thinking about how grateful I am to have a husband like him. And how grateful I am for my air conditioner (random I know, but totally true).

This is very important.....

2007-08-13T15:42:00.000-07:00

I have posted before that I write another blog. It's just as enlightening as this one. Life changing stuff. Anyway, it is for my stationery business, LoopDeLou. Well you just need to head on over there today if you want to .....

GET FREE STUFF (*with a purchase of course).

www.loopdelou.com

But the trick is you have to read the blog.

And to you who already get free stuff, oh you know who you are....this offer doesn't apply to you. Unless you want to start paying for your LoopDeLou, in which case you can participate.

Ok, this doesn't count for my post this week, I just wanted to let all of my hundreds of readers know about the bloggity blog give away.

It was a sad, sad, day

2007-08-09T11:30:00.000-07:00

Something terrible happened this week.

I am not going to write about how I started a diet this week and have had cake every day since. I am not going to write about how much I love the dewrinkle cycle on my dyer. No. This post carries with it a hurt. A hurt that is felt deep down within my sole. Yes, I mean SOLE.

My flops have lost their flip.

Let us pause for a moment of silence.

It all started two years ago. I was working as a program director at the YMCA. It was the end of summer day camp and I was cleaning off the Lost and Found table. And there before my eyes was a pair of brown Old Navy flip flops. Now, I had been to Old Navy a few weeks before to make a flip flop purchase. But, sadly, they were out of brown. So, you can only imagine my exitement as I gazed upon the lost pair of flippity goodness. It's like heaven opened up and a light shined down and landed on those shoes. I think I even heard angles singing "Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Halle -Luh-Jah". I am pretty convinced that we were destined to meet.

I examined them and secretly tried them on. It was a perfect fit. I couldn't believe it. That day was a very special day. We formed a bond that has been going strong for the last two summers. Don't judge me for stealing them off the lost and found. They would have gone into the trash and we just couldn't have that happen. They were a perfectly good pair of shoes. No matter that they only cost three dollars and had been worn by some sweaty kid.

I have to impress upon you the importance of these shoes. This last week, when on vacation, they were the only pair of shoes I wore all week. I wear them every day. EVERY DAY PEOPLE. They are conformed to my feet. They are the perfect picture of flip flop delight.

Now what do I do? They are gone.

I was standing outside of Starbucks on Monday night after a fun birthday party. I was standing with my friends just chatting away. When all of the sudden I heard a "pop". I ever so slowly looked down at my shoe, hoping that what I thought had happened....didn't. But, I was ever so wrong. Here is a picture. God rest her sole.

The really sad part is that I have to throw one perfectly good flip flop away. All of my summer wardrobe choices are lost without the compliment of these brown shoes.

I know what you're thinking. "Why don't you just go and buy another pair". Well, I will tell you. It just won't be the same. I don't think I can ever bond with another pair in the way that I did with these. I bought some black ones earlier this year and I have only worn them once. I felt a since of unfaithfullness.

Dear favorite brown flops-

I will miss you dear friends. I don't know what I will do without you. We have been through so much together. You have traveled with me to many shores and we have seen lots of things. You were there when I stepped off the plane in Guatemala. You helped me travel upon many a dirt road. You were there when I celebrated two anniversaries. You are my companions at work each and every day. You were there along the sandy beaches of Florida. You were there through it all.

You have had a small rock stuck in your heel for about a year now. I didn't remove it because I thought that it gave you some character. I took the rock out on Saturday and I think your response was to snap. I am so sorry if I caused you any hurt.
May peace be with you brown flops. God rest your sole. God rest your sole.

Soaking up the Sun

2007-07-30T19:39:00.000-07:00

Hey to all of my bloggity friends. All two of you. I just wanted to let you know that I'm on vacation this week. Whoo. Hoo. A real life vacation. There is a beach and sand and everything. The sun has even been out shining away. Which means that I will be out trying to improve my appearance by getting one of those tan thingys. Or burn thingys, whichever happens first.

But actually, I have made a commitment to the sunscreen this time around. Normally when I go to the beach, I think I can handle the sun. I laugh in the face of that blazing ball of fire and all of it's scorching rays. The first day out I oil up with my SPF 4 tanning oil. Which never really works out for me. I end up a little sizzled. Now those youthfull days are over. Today I lathered SPF 15 all over and then topped that off with some SPF 30 spray. I think I'm good to go. No burns yet. I can't speak the same for some of the people I am with though. They thought forgoing the sunscreen would be a good idea. It indeed turned out not to be. Can anyone say lobster? (I won't mention any names, but his name starts with a Ron and ends in a nie).

I just wanted to let you know that there would be the absolute same amount of blogging activity going on around here that there normally is. Once a week. This post counts for that I think.

Happy Monday!

Song lyrics are not my specialty

2007-07-24T12:24:00.000-07:00

I know some people have been blessed with certain gifts. Some people can sing, some can dance, some can cook, some can lead, some can write. I'm not real sure what my gift is, but I am certain of what it is not.

I am one of those people who unkowingly make up lyrics to songs.

Garth Brooks (he's a country music singer if you've never heard of him) came out with a little song called "I'm Shamless". This song was popular around the time I was 12 years old.

Now at 12, I had very serious things on my mind. Things like, "Does Steven know that I am in love with him" and "Maybe mom will let me finally have a telephone in my room". One of the most important things on my mind was the upcoming monumentous occassion of shaving my legs for the first time. My mom told me that I couldn't shave until I was 13. So throughout my 12th year on this planet, shaving was number 1 on the "all the things I can do when I'm 13 list".

When I heard Garth's song for the first time, I thought it was absolutely brilliant. I would sing along with it to the top of my lungs. I thought it was great that he would write a song about such a great event that was about to happen in my own life. He wrote a song about shaving.

"I'm Shaaaviiiin" is what I would sing and what I was convinced the song said.

Later, I realized those weren't really the lyrics. But at the time they made perfect sense to me. Now, at 26, I'm not really sure why anyone would write a song about shaving or why I looked forward to it so much.

There was another song when I was in high school. I can't remember who sang it, but one of the lines said "running around with your cheetah". I mean, I thought it was the coolest thing that someone would write a song about having a cheetah. I didn't know anyone with a cheetah as a pet. But sure would like to meet the person that song was about. Later, I realized the actual words were "running around with your cheap talk." Not as cool to me.

I think that I like my versions better. They make for way more interesting songs. We need some quality musicians to write songs about shaving and cheetahs. Maybe a song about shaving a cheetah. Now those would be some fine lyrics right there.

Oh, and by the way...BOOMAMA wrote about Loop De Lou on her blog today. I think we're famous.

Does God want us to be healthy and happy and prosperous?

2007-07-16T08:35:00.000-07:00

This is a question that has plaqued me over the past several months. Now, I don't want to go into talking about our infertility and all the thousands of questions that has brought up. That would show my great lack of faith and I'm not ready to be that transparent on the blog! I'll save that for my small group of friends. But this idea of health and happiness, well it just doesn't make much sense to me.

I am often faced directly with questions about this. I don't want to go into specifics, but there are a few people in my life who believe that a part of faith is believing that what you ask for will happen. I do not argue this point. I do believe that is what faith is, "the confident assurance that what we hope for is going to happen." But here is where my questions lie.

I know that faith is believing that what you ask for is going to happen. But I also believe in the absolute soverienty of God. I believe that God can and will heal people if it is done for his glory. I also believe that God reveals himself through sickness. It is an absolute lie to say that God's will is for all of his children to be healed. What about Paul?

Paul prayed three times that the thorn in his flesh be removed. It was not. Because God revealed to him that through his weakness Christ was shown. "My gracious favor is all you need. My power works best in your weakness." (2 Corinthians 12:9). So when we demand things from God, whether it be healing or a change in circumstances, I believe that sometimes we are missing out on what we can learn through our weakness.

It bothers me that millions of Americans hold strongly to the belief that God desires for us to be happy, healthy, and prosperous. I do not dare say that God does not want his children to be happy....but what I do say is that the source of that happiness doesn't come in ways that modern day culture would suggest. Quit the opposite I'm sure.

It bothers me, but it doesn't surprise me. Most of us don't want to be challanged. We don't want things to come along and mess up our perfect little utopias that we have created for ourselves. So we don't dig deeper. We don't pursue true Godliness. Because if we are completly honest with ourselves, we don't want to live as Jesus did. We don't want to spend our time with sinners, beggers, the sick and the desolate. We are plaqued by our comfort.

So does God want us to be happy, healthy, and prosperous? My answer to this question is yes, he does. But those words take on a dramatically different meaning when looked at through the lens of Christ. He does want us to be happy....absolutely content in any circumstances we are in becuase we know he is in control. To quote John Piper "God is most glorified in us, when we are most satisfied in him."

He does want us to be healthy. We should be good stewards of our bodies and our gifts, but we all know that we are going to die. Disease happens, sickness happens. We live in a fallen world. Our bodies and our healthiness will not be all it is supposed to be this side of heaven. So in the end he has promised us new bodies. Spirtual bodies, without disease and sickness. But those things are to come after this life.

I also believe that he does want us to be prosperous. Not so much with wealth, but prosperous in the things of the spirit. Wealthy with generosity, self control, humility, etc... If we have all of these things, we realize the need for financial gain is of little importance. And once again, we will not recieve our rewards this side of heaven. All Christ has promised us is himself.

So through sickness, disease, infertility, poverty, war, and all kinds of hurt...the response should be submissiveness to what God is trying to accomplish in our lives for his glory. Maybe we will be healed, and if so that is great. Then we know we have witnessed a miracle. But maybe we won't. And that is ok to.

Lifes Not Always PopTarts and Roses

2007-07-05T11:19:00.000-07:00

As many of you know, Jamie and I have been through a major challenge in the last year. We have been trying to conceive a baby for about three years now. And by trying to conceive (ttc), you all really know what that means. It's been way fun for Jamie, not so much for me at times.

The word we are looking for here is "anyway"....

Last November we decided it was time to visit the doctor and see if we could get this whole thing figured out. I will spare you all the wonderful details. And believe me when I tell you that they are indeed, wonderful.

We started testing in November and this went through January. All during the holiday season, we sure were merry. Not to mention that during this time my in-laws moved out of their house that they had inhabitated for the last 35 years. Can't you just imagine all of the merriment and cheer that those months held for us??

After our last major appointment we were riding in the car to go get some dinner at Cracker Barrell (because that's what we do here in the South after major life changing news....we eat). On the way he informed me that the Dr. told him that we have less than a 5% chance of conceiving a child on our own.

Now, one would think at this point I would have gotten very upset and been all dramatic like, throwing my hands up in the air screaming "Why Me!". But to tell you the truth I reacted very, very differently than I would have ever imagined.

I looked at Jamie, shrugged my shoulders and said, "Well you know, Life's not always poptars and roses." And then I'm sure I said something very profound like, so "Are you going to get an extra portion of fried okra at Cracker Barrell?".

Not that the news wasn't big or important to me, because it very much was. But I think that I had prepared myself for that moment for a few months, so when it actually came it wasn't as monumentous as I pictured it.

After I said the life changing statement "Life's not always poptarts and roses", Jamie just looked at me and busted out laughing. I feel like I am blessed with the gift of comedic relief. But the really funny part is that I wasn't trying to be funny. I really do like poptarts and roses.

So you are probably wondering if there is a point. And I'm not sure I can answer that. But what I was interested in was seeing what other phrases comparing life to that we could come up with. Here are two I thought of:

"Life's not always Butterflies and Pancakes"

"Life's not always Squash casserole and Pansies"

I'm not real sure what the connection is with food and nature (or words that start with "p"). But somehow I think it makes good comparisons. What about you?

The Junk Food Was Overflowing and Laughter Didn't Cease!

2007-07-03T14:28:00.000-07:00

I did something this weekend that I haven't done in probably ten years. I had a sleep over.

Five of my friends from high school drove all the way to my house out in the middle of nowhere and we had an all girl slumber party. We are 26 and married, but that didn't stop us. No ma'am it didn't.

I started preparing for the monumentous occassion on Thursday with the preperation of all things sugar and carb filled. I made fruit dip (cream cheese, powdered sugar, and cool whip), puppy chow (peanut butter, powdered sugar, chocolate), and salsa. I bought cinnamon rolls, muffins, and fruit for breakfast and the fridge was abounding with sugary, high fat carbonation. It was marvelous.

The first three girls arrived Friday afternoon and we sat in the kitchen and caught up with one another. It was all like, "Guess who's getting married" and "I heard Julie is pregnant" and "Did you know that Marla is building a new house?" and "You'll never guess who I saw the other day and guess what color her hair was."

Then we decided we were hungery and lucky for us I had purchased the ultimate sleepover dinner. Pizza. We had pizza and drank coca cola to our hearts content. It was wonderful.

Then my friend Leah busted out some kind of new card game. You have to spell words with the letters on the cards. You go through 13 rounds and each time you get more and more cards. I thought surely I would dominate at this game because I am good with words. But what I'm not so good at is spelling. So that proved to be mainly the most important. It was the five card round and I was SO SO proud of myself because I was about to lay down the best word and get lots of points. I layed down my cards with a "look at me" kind of laugh and discarded with a slap of the hand. The three girls looked at me and said...."Uh, you spell mantel with a T". I had put down M A N E L. Needless to say, I didn't win that game. But what do they know.

The other two friends arrived later that night and we quickly got them all caught up on the evenings activities. We stayed up until 2:30 in the morning. I haven't had that much fun since watching Monica and Chandler bring home their babies. Have I said how fantastic it was??

Well you just wait right there because it gets even better.

We all got up on Saturday morning and got ready. Which was a littly trying seeing as to how I only have one shower that is finished. Six girls + one shower = a long time getting everyone out the door. But luckily we have grown out of the stage of Rave hairspray and teasing our crown. It didn't take near as long as I thought.

We decided to do what any girl would want to do after a sleepover. We went shopping. We pulled into the parking lot of the Kirklands in Jackson and our small minds could not wrap around the treasure that awaited us there.

A HUGE TENT SALE. Jesus was smiling down on us that day my friends.

My friend Leah started saying as we pulled up, "This is bad, this is really, really not good." My friends in the other car were screaming, dancing, and jumping up and down. It really was fantastic (have I said that yet?)

We had lunch at the Olive Garden and shopped some more. We ended the day with a movie and dinner. We had such a terrific time. I am so thankful that I have "old" friends from school who are willing to drive to spend the weekend with me. We do have a special relationship and I am so grateful for all of them!

I laughed a lot and it was a great, terrific, wonderful, glorious, and any other adjective that is fitting, time!!!

front L-R: me, Amber, Adrienne, Brittney

back L-R: LesLee and Leah

A Serious Side

2007-06-27T17:11:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine sent this to me today and it made me think. I think this is a very touching video and very emotional, but for me it's not truth. It truly makes my heart ache for all of the thousands of couples who struggle with infertility and don't know Jesus as their Lord. Not that this makes the journey perfect or that by being a Christian I am promised that all of my desires will be fufilled, but because I know at the end of the day, no matter how upset and emotional I might get about our situation.....my HOPE and my trust is in Christ. He is my provider, healer, friend. He holds the key to my fertility. In HIM I place all trust. I can firmly stand and know that He is in control of my life. My ultimate satisfaction is NOT found in conceiving a child, but in Christ alone.

I am so thankful to Him for carrying us through this time.

I don't think I'll be starting a mowing business anytime soon

2007-06-26T10:49:00.000-07:00

Jamie has a crazy schedule in the summer. He works for a company that installs athletic fields. He loves his job and we are very thankful for the job because it was an answer to a lot of prayers.

Anyway....

He is absent from our house for most of the daytime hours. When he gets in he is always very tired. So needless to say the last thing he needs is a nagging wife saying, "You know we could house an entire community of mice in our yard and you would never know it because they would be shaded by all the enormous blades of grass." Translated to him: mow the yard now.

Being the wife that I am, I decided that I would take this small chore from his hands. It might be important to add that we have three acres of yard to mow. Not an easy feat mind you. So I head up to my in-laws house (they live up the hill) and asked if Bob (my father in law) could teach me how to mow on his mower. It turned out to be very easy to operate the machine, lucky for me.

Now, this was on a Saturday. Dear Jamie happened to be at home, but I, of course, had him working through a list of five or seventeen other things. So mowing the yard was on my agenda and I wanted to make sure he saw every minute of it so he would know my ultimate sacrifice for him.

I came riding down the hill on the mower. Jamie thought it would be a good idea to for him "get me started". So he made the first few rounds to mark my path. Then he handed the raines over to me.

Now, I might need to preface this by telling you that we have big crevases (and I'm not real sure how to spell crevases) in our yard. We live at the bottom of a hill and we just built our house last year. So the grass hasn't been around too long. There is a lot of washing going on. Which just added a load full of fun to the mowing experience.

So I hop on the mower. Jamie decided it might be a good idea to watch me the first go around just to make sure I got it right. I started out, really thinking highly of myself for taking on such a manly chore. I turned the first turn, good job so far. I was keeping everything in line. The lines down the yard were looking spectacular if I do say so myself.

Then....I saw the ditch.

I was faced with a dilema. It actually crossed my mind that I could "jump" it. On a mower.

I didn't want to mess up the perfect lines after all. So I made the decision to keep on trucking (or mowing) right over that little ditch. The mower didn't make it.

I sat there with the front two tires of the mower in the ditch. I didn't know what to do, so instead of you know, turning the key off. I just stood up. Because that is what makes the mower quit going. It did make the engine cut off, but it kept making this horrible sound. Good thing for me that Jamie was still outside watching the whole event unfold. Because I'm sure that my safety was the first thing on his mind and not at all how much he was going to make fun of me.

He came to my side, turned the mower completley off and pushed it out of the ditch. Then he looked at me and said, "What were you doing?". I replied "Mowing". He said, "Did ya not see the ditch?".

"Yes, I saw it."

"Then why didn't you go around it?"

"Well, I didn't want to mess up the lines."

Perfectly good explanation in my mind. He warned me that next time I should go around. I told him not to worry because there probably wouldn't be a next time.

Marcie Moment number 126

2007-06-15T14:46:00.000-07:00

This is a conversation between my and my very good friend Allie.

me: (after being out at the pool) "I got really pink today"

Allie: "You did. But it will turn into tan. You tan easily don't you?"

me: "Yes, well except for when I burn"

There's a First Time for Everything

2007-06-07T07:31:00.001-07:00

Yesterday I did two things that I have never done before.

When I tell you what those things are, it will not seem very glamorous. There won't be applause. I won't win any kind of award. But, they are things that finally make this whole wife and adult business come full circle for me. Be prepared for these small triumphs. For they are truly monumentous occassions.

1. I dropped two shirts off at the dry cleaners.

Now, I know that this may appear like a small feat, but I assure you, it is not. As a general rule, I like to avoid clothes that are "Dry Clean Only". Actually reading those words will cause me to put a shirt back faster than you can say "wow that looks great". Don't even temp me with perfect material and flattering fits. If it's dry clean only, this girl ain't purchasing it.

But, with my trip to New York and all the shopping that it entailed before hand, I had to bite the bullet and purchase clothes that would require trips to the cleaners. I caved. But what was I supposed to do? Cotton t-shirts and jean capris just weren't acceptable attire for the Big Apple.

So I feel like with dropping those shirts off, I have officially arrived into adult life. Welcome me. Here I am. The lady had to walk me through the process and even asked "Is this your first time here". Yes ma'am it is, please handle with care.

2. I sewed a pair of Jamie's shorts that had a tear in them.

I used a real sewing machine and fixed something that had been broken. This, my friends, has never occured before. I have been taking sewing lessons from my friend Hannah for a couple of months. So, sweet Jamie had full confidence in me that I could sew the crotch of his shorts up. I feel like an actual Proverbs 31 woman. My name should have been Martha. Never mind the fact that I sewed a little bit of the short legs together. They still worked though, he is wearing them this very day. Adolescents = 0 Adult Live = 1.

I'm growing up so fast y'all.

I am in Despertate Need of Help

2007-06-01T20:02:00.000-07:00

I have a huge dilema. It is a problem that I am 100% convinced that women across America face. And probably if you are a man reading this blog, you should stop now.

Bathing suit season. Do I really need to say more?

I will say that I am forever indebted to the person that decided bathing suit skirts were cool again. That does make the problem slightly better. Skirts for bathing suits are like salsa for tostido chips. Once we've experienced them together, we're really not sure how they could ever be seperated.

But here is my problem....

Do they even make bathing suit tops that don't plunge down in the front? I have a serious problem finding a top that works. All of the ones I have tried on, and just trust me when I say that has been MANY, look like I'm trying to gain employment at H**ters. It's like trying to shove a volleyball into a change purse. It just doesn't work. Going up a size or twelve doesn't help either.

So here is my question....

Why do they make bathing suit tops like this? Do the bathing suit manufactures not realize that most of us don't like being seen in public with our girls hanging out? I am in serious need of help here. I don't have a huge swim suit budget and I need a swim suit that I can actually wear in front of people.

Does anyone know if this even exists? Or would it be like finding a unicorn?

Help!

Spring Forth

2007-05-31T17:55:00.000-07:00

I tried planting some flowers last fall. It didn't work out so well.

We call this pot the "Planter of Death".

I bought some ferns during the warm spell that we had in March. I jumped the gun. Those sadly didn't make it either. But I must say, I'm not so sure it was because of the weather. I think it might be me.

I do not have pictures of the ferns. I am saving you from that awful image.

I think that plants and I do not go well together. And this makes me sad. I want so badly to grow things. I don't have a problem planting them. I have a problem with the whole watering part. Sometimes I forget. For like weeks. Then they die. Good thing Jamie takes care of the dogs. Sometimes I wonder if I really am ready to be a mother.

Anyway, I decided to give it another shot. I went to Lowe's and got all stocked up. When I walked into the house with the plants, Jamie just hung his head. He actually started apologizing to them. He told them that he was sorry that they had to be bought by me. So much for a supportive husband. Just for that, I think I might stop washing his socks.

Jamie says that I have a "black thumb". But I beg to differ. I think I can pull it off this time. I even bought a watering can.

These are my plants I bought. They have not yet realized their fate. Poor guys.

These are my materials. Notice the Miracle Grow. Because Lord knows, it will take a miracle for them to grow.

There are two pots like this one. They have not been given a name yet. Hopefully it won't have anything to do with "death" in the title.

And finally, this is the "Planter of Death", but she has sprung forth new life. I'm just hoping that life actually stays alive.

I'll keep you posted.

I have been unfaithful to you oh blog

2007-05-24T12:34:00.000-07:00

Dear Blog-

I am writing this to let you know that I have been unfaithful. I wanted you to hear it from me first. I have been secrectly writing for another blog. I bow my head in shame.

I hope to keep this relationship going with you. I love being able to visit you once a week. But I will totally understand if you wish to end it.

If you wish to see the blog that has taken me away from you. Please visit www.loopdelou.com and click on the blog button.

I assure you I can make it work for the both of you.

Yours Truly-
Marcie

So much to do, so little time

2007-05-17T08:03:00.000-07:00

Since most of you who read this blog are my friends, you know that I am getting ready to leave for New York tomorrow. Well, actually I am leaving this evening, but my plane doesn't leave until early tomorrow morning. Anyway, I am going to New York for the National Stationery Show for LoopDeLou, my stationery business. Whoo. Hoo.

I am very excited. So excited, in fact, that I had to make a "to do" list for the day, to make sure I got all of my business taken care of. Now, when you read the word "business" that might imply very important matters. I assure you, that is not the case. I scribbled down my list last night. This is what it says:

-pack
-clean out my car
-wash hair
-go to the bank
-dinner with Chad and Holly

Yes friends. I had to put "wash hair" on my to do list. Because really, you never know when I might forget to do this act. It only happens each and every time I get in the shower. But today just might be the day I forget, so I had to write it down.

Y'all I really think I'm losing it. Sniffing soap and reminding myself to wash my hair all in one week. I think my "plane" is leaving in more than one sense.

Wish us luck in New York! I'm sure I will need it if I'm having to remind myself to wash my hair.

I admit it, I made a mistake

2007-05-15T08:28:00.000-07:00

So, I know that I am breaking my "blogging" rule by posting this on Tuesday. I'm livin' on the edge ya'll. But something happened to me last night at the dreaded Wal-Mart and I just had to share it with the world.

I woke up with a splitting headache this morning. I think that I might know why....

I must preface this story by telling you that my husband sometimes has "girl" like tendencies. And I promise I mean that in the nicest way. But he loves smelly body wash in the shower. When we first got married and I still had nice lotions from Bath and Body works, he would always use that too. Now, we buy Jergens. It doesn't quite have the same effect.

Anyway....

Being the nice wife that I am (haha), I try to keep us stocked up on his favorite body wash. He loves the Shea Butter scent. And his absolute favorite is the Softsoap brand that is "ultra rich shea butter" with little beads of smelly goodness. I'll pause while you say ooohhh, aaahhh.

But, here is the problem with that. It's nice and all, but it costs $3.50 and it lasts about 2 weeks. Now, some of you are probably thinking, well that's not too bad. But when there is the equate brand that costs just $1.50, it makes my stomach turn just a little to pick up the more expensive one. And I like to buy two at a time, because we all know about my utter disdain for Wal-Mart. So the less I have to go the happier I am.

I promise there is a point. It's coming.

So last night, I was at "the Wal-Marts" and I was in the soap aisle. I decided that I would try to be a smarter consumer and come to a peaceful solution with the soap. I would sniff all the "shea butter" body wash and try to find one that had the same smell with a cheaper price tag. I found one brand and it is "shea butter with oatmeal" and it was 2 whole dollars cheaper. So I wanted to find another brand to bring home to present to Jamie. That way he could decide which one he liked better. Then that one would be the champion and I could buy that from now on and we would live in shea butter body wash heaven at a cheaper price. Life is exciting people.

So I was moving along the soap aisle, minding my own business, sniffing all the soap.

Then it happened.

I opened up one bottle and sniffed and squeezed it at the same time. I made the ultimate body wash sniffing mistake. White soap squirted all over my nose and up it.

At this exact moment a man and his wife turned the corner to see my face adorned with shea butter creamy wash. He looked at me and said "I know you just didn't do that". Yes, mister. I did.

He laughed as he walked away, and said "Don't worry, I won't tell anyone."

Thanks mister, but you don't have to worry about it, because I will post it on my blog for the world to read.

Thank you very much.

Now, I have this splitting headache to deal with because I snorted soap last night. This should be a lesson to all you kids.

A Void Has Been Filled

2007-05-10T11:57:00.000-07:00

There has been a spot in my heart that has been vacant for quite awhile. I have been searching for that perfect something that would fill it. Well, I must announce to the world, that I have found my perfect something.

Target is now my brand new BFF.

She (i gave Target a gender) is wonderful. Really, who needs a human BFF when Target is so readily available. She displays endless amounts of clothes for me to try on. She beckons me with her beautiful shoes. She listens when I tell her "I'm not really sure if these jeans make my butt look too big". She is never judgmental.

And the best thing about her, she has great sales. I purchased THE BEST JEANS ever. They are everything I have ever looked for in a jean. They are the perfect combination of stretch and denim which makes them very comfortable. And that just makes my heart sing. And I can't even tell you what I payed for them because I try not to make people covet.

Target is where all of my bedding has come from. I spent many hours with her post wedding due to the fact that I received 9 irons, 2 toaster ovens, and some random items that I never registered for.

She is truly one in a million. She totally understood when I got married and gained ten pounds. She was there to offer clothing that was still oh so adorable, even in a size larger. She understood that my mom no longer could buy my clothes, so she offered hers to me at oh so great prices.

Tuesday as I strolled the aisles of her store, I realized, that this relationship was truly meant to be. Thank you Target. I love you. You have filled that special place in my heart. I shall never be the same.

A Little Blogging Business

2007-05-03T14:51:00.000-07:00

I have decided that I am officially only going to post once a week. Unless there are weeks when I post twice. And if those weeks ever occur, then that means something amazing is happening at the Autry house. We have hired a maid. So unless God himself drops a maid down into my humble abode, then blogging will be limited to once a week.

Because I realize that I have an internet addiction. Hi, my name is Marcie, and I'm an internetaholic. I check my email 12 times a day. It's a problem.

I am officially declaring Thursdays as "Blog Post" day. Check your 2008 calenders, it should be listed on each Thursday of every month. So you can check back on Thursdays to catch up with the Autry's. I'm sure all of you will be counting down the days.

In all honesty, we are very busy at LoopDeLou headquarters. With making our national debut in two short weeks, there isn't much time for blogging about the really important things in life like wal-mart and yard sales.

Not that you loyal blog readers will notice much of a difference, because I have been posting once a week since, you know, March. I just wanted to make it official. If I post a picture of swans (or geese) then you will have to look at them for a whole week. (Sorry Mark!)

In a Perfect World

2007-04-26T08:15:00.000-07:00

So, I don't think I have posted before on my utter hate for grocery shopping and all things Wal-Mart. I know that I shouldn't put hate out there, but let's face it, it is totally the truth. When I left my full time job to work part time and stay at home more, I realized that there was a whole new facet to this wife business. Taking care of the house, cooking, laundry, grocery shopping....I had never realized how involved this was. But, I was willing to take it on and dove in head first. And then, that lasted about a week. Because we all know that I am all about things not being an inconvenience to me.

So it has taken, you know, two years for me to balance it all out. I realized that in order for me to work part time and keep an organized house and a happy husband, it is much better for me to have a schedule and make lots of lists. Because I am nothing without my lists (and just as a side note, I do have very cute notepads which make the list writing all the more enjoyable). So you would think that in these two years grocery shopping would have found a comfortable place in my heart right alongside the laundry and cleaning and cooking. But, it most definitely has not.

I am trying to figure out why I hate this act. I have thrown around reasons and tried to make sense of the madness. One of the conclusions I have come to is this:

I have an unwanted dependence on Wal-Mart.

I mean, really, where else can I go to get chicken breasts, crackers, paper plates, deodorant, a dvd, a card for my mother, a bedspread, an oilchange, and a fan? And what about those prices? Nothing compares (a little shout out to Shenade O'Connor). But here is the thing, EACH and EVERY time I go to "the Wal-Marts" I come out completely frustrated. And as a typical rule, I like to avoid situations that make my face twitch. So, this is the conclusion that I have come to, I don't like grocery shopping because Sam Waldon had a great idea to include everything you would ever need into one huge store. And if it's everything I would ever need, it's everything tens of millions of people would ever need, which means all those people are in the same store as me all standing in the two lanes to check out. I mean, why have the other lanes if only two are going to be open?

So, I thought of a solution.

How great would it be if I could go online and buy all of my groceries and then have them delivered to my front door? This, my friends, would be heaven. But then as I thought about this perfect grocery shopping situation, it dawned on me, this is the exact reason that people in other countries hate us. Because we don't like being inconvenienced. So with all of that said, I realize my need to not be inconvenienced, but I so would grocery shop online if it was available. This is the land of opportunity. One of you three readers should really consider this profession of an online grocery store and delivery. I would be the first customer NO DOUBT about it!

Truly a Marcie Moment

2007-04-21T18:31:00.000-07:00

"Jamie, your face got red today. Was that from being out in the sun?"

I really need to start thinking before I talk. Seriously.

The Yard Sale Kind

2007-04-20T16:35:00.000-07:00

Ok, so today I discovered that there are a breed of people that I had not previously known about or had experience with.

The yard sale kind.

I, happen to love a good yard sale. But what I consider a good sale is one that begins at 10:00 on a Saturday and has pottery barn items marked down to a dollar. Now, I have never actually been to one of these, but if you know of one, then please share.

Anyway...

Our church is having a yard sale to benefit our churches mission team to Albania. My friends, Mark and Hannah (check out Mark's blog), and I have had just loads of fun sorting through people's junk....sorry, I meant belongings. There were glass vases, used puzzles, used curling irons, used sheets, books and more books, vhs tapes, and some items that I'm just not sure what they were, but I am sure they were used.

Now, to a normal breed, these items might appear to not have much value. But, to the yard saler it's like a little bit of heaven opened up and plopped down on the plastic tables right in front of them.

I have never known that these people existed. I had heard stories, and had been promised that they would show, but didn't believe it until I saw it with my own eyes today. Hannah and I arrived at the sale at 7:00 a.m. (yes, it was a stretch for me to be there) and we were greeted by six shoppers. AT 7:00 AM.

I can't tell you the last time I got excited about anything at 7:00 AM nonetheless excited about other peoples stuff!

This one couple pretty much cleaned us out. I would be lying if I told you they didn't look like the Clampits driving away in their loaded down truck.

Now, I am not knocking this breed of people. I greatly appreciate their love for items found in other peoples attics and garages. I find it amazing that people can find a use for an old humidifier that doesn't work. Since I live in TN, I will no doubt see the humidifier used as a potting device in the front yard of a trailer. And believe me, I know about trailers.

I shall be the first to say that my mother in law is an avid shopper of the yards. I actually have a dresser in my guest room that was bought for $15 at a sale by her. So I show much love to this breed. Thanks for supporting families across America with your willingness to wake up at the crack of dawn on a Saturday and dig through people's unwanted belongings. We salute you American yard sale shopper. We salute you.

"Stop looking at me Swan"

2007-04-12T08:49:00.000-07:00

The other day, Jamie called me to our back window. He said "Look what we have in our pond!"

I responded "How pretty! We have swans!"

Jamie looked at me and grinned "Babe, those are geese."

I feel like it was an honest mistake. Who says that swans couldn't land in our pond in the middle of west TN. I think it could totally happen.

"Holy Leisure"

2007-04-05T07:37:00.000-07:00

"Holy Leisure"

It refers to a sense of balance in the life, an ability to be at peace through the activities of the day, an ability to rest and take time to enjoy beauty, an ability to pace ourselves. With our tendency to define people in terms of what they produce, we would do well to cultivate "holy leisure". And if we expect to succeed in the contemplative way, we must pursue "holy leisure" with a determination that is ruthless to our datebooks.

-Richard J. Foster
Celebration of Discipline
in his chapter on Meditation

How far from this do you think we are in modern Christian culture? Why is this even important?

The Madness Has Come to a Victorious End

2007-04-03T07:32:00.000-07:00

The hype. The excitement. It has all come to an end. The blue and orange are once again the college basketball champions.

As many of you know, the basketball tournament has been a big deal at our house this year. Jamie and I are big Gator fans. We were there, in Atlanta, when the Gators were victorious over the Arkansas Razorbacks in the SEC championship in football. We were sitting on our couch with our "Gator Get Up" on as they slaughtered Ohio State in the BCS National championship in football. And we have been there every step of the way on this road to greatness in the NCAA basketball tournament. It is all just to much.

Jamie and I couldn't be together last night as the Gators won their second straight championship. But the Gator spirit united us over the miles. At one point in the game I actually raised both of my arms up in the air (like the "touchdown" call in football) and hollered "It's good". This was after Lee Humphreys sank a terrific three pointer. At another point in the game, I stood up from my cozy position on the couch, clapped my hands together very rapidly and shouted "Come on Boys!". I think it is quite possible that they heard me through the television screen because they went on to V-I-C-T-O-R-Y (can't help it, it's the cheerleader inside of me) over the Ohio State Buckeyes.

I am just so proud. It's all just too much. It is the first time in history that one school has held both titles in football and basketball in the same year. It's also the first time in history that the same starting five players won two national titles in a row. That's what the Gators are all about, making history.

And I must add, that I was victorious in my picks. I didn't enter Jamie's office pool, but I would have walked away the proud owner of $40. Jamie, luckily, had good picks too so he won the office pool, so really I still got $40.

March has been chalked full of basketball madness. It has all come to an end. It is a glorious, victorious end with the Florida Gators reigning in as back to back National Champions. It truly is great to be a Florida Gator.

What is it with men and details?

2007-03-31T07:10:00.000-07:00

Ok. So let me preface this by saying that I have a wonderful husband. He is sweet, compassionate, loving, tender, and let's not forget....he's a hottie. With all of that said, I must proceed to what he is not.

Detail oriented.

Jamie's boss asked him to go on a men's weekend retreat. His boss graciously offered to pay for Jamie's entire trip, which was very nice. So Jamie agreed to go.

He comes home and tells me about the retreat. Here is our conversation.

Me: "Oh, that sounds like fun, where is it?"

Jamie: "I don't know, but I think in North Carolina"

Me: "Well, what are you going to be doing?"

Jamie: "I don't know, but I think playing golf and fishing"

Me: "How fun! Where are you going to be staying"

Jamie: "I don't know."

Me: "Oh ok. But you might want to find some of these things out before you leave."

Jamie: "Ok."

Now we are going to fast forward to when Jamie is packing and getting ready to leave. It is 10:30 the night before he is leaving.....

Jamie: (getting all of his clothes together, brings in two towels to pack)

Me: "Why are you taking towels?"

Jamie: "I think we have to, it's a community bath house or something like that."

Me: "Well, do you think you have to take bedding also, since you think it is a cabin?"

Jamie: "I don't know.....I didn't even think about that."

Me: "Well, we might want to find that out before you leaving in the morning!"

Sure enough. He did have to pack his bedding. It continues....

While he is on the road he calls....

Jamie: "Hey babe. What's going on?"

Me: "Not much. Where are you?"

Jamie: "Chatanooga"

Me: "Chatanooga!!! Why are you in Chatanooga? That's not on the way to North Carolina!!"

Jamie: "Oh, I think we are going to Georgia."

Sometimes I wonder about that man.......

Wife of the year?

2007-03-29T07:55:00.000-07:00

So this past weekend we had an adventure at our house.

One of the puppies came up missing. Jamie woke up in the middle of the night to find Maggie (momma dog) barking. He went out to check on her and found that one of the little ones was gone. So he searched around our house at 3:00 in the morning in nothing but his boxers and a t-shirt. I, of course, was oblivious to all of this. Because at 3:00 in the morning it would take a small explosion next to my head to wake me.

Saturday morning we wake up and J. tells me of the nights adventures. So we go out to check on the dogs and discover that there is another one missing. We now have seven instead of nine. We didn't really know what to do and I must say that we were a little worried about adopting, you know, a baby when we can't keep up with puppies.

We finally saw Maggie coming out of this little patch of brush and trees next to our house. So, we followed her back in. Sure enough....she had moved one of the puppies. But one was still missing. So J. went back in the brush and found this old hollowed out stump. In order to get back to this area you have to first get on your knees and then crawl on your belly. Now, we all know that I am not going to do this, so of course my 6 foot 2 husband takes on the job. He crawls under there and rescues the little guy.

When we brought the lost puppy back to the dog house, Maggie WAS NOT happy. As soon as J. set him down, Maggie picked him back up and carried him back to the hole. So we decide, that we might as well help her move all of them. So we carried each puppy back into the hallowed out crawl space.

Now, Jamie has a little bit of a problem with his knees. Sometimes one of them tends to "fall out of place". Sounds lovely I know. So as he was putting the last puppy in, he went to turn and his knee fell out of place. Great. Now what am I supposed to do? We are in the middle of the woods, with a rotweiller (yeah, I don't know how to spell that) and her now 8 puppies. Did I mention that J. is 6 foot 2 and lets just say a little over 250 pounds?

Seriously, all I could think was "I'm going to have to take him to the hospital and I haven't even brushed my teeth."

If there was such an award as the "Compassionate Wife Award", I feel like I should totally be nominated.

So I went into the house and got a bottle of water and Tylenol. After all, if Tylenol can't fix it then what else will? The whole time I was walking back into the house, I was fuming. My thoughts "I told him to go to the Doctor about this knee 4 months ago and he wined because he doesn't want to have surgery. Serves him right". My fellow friends....Jamie is so lucky to have me for a wife.

I went back into the woods bearing these gifts to find Jamie very pale and nauseas. He was in a lot of pain. So what do I do? Stand there and look at him of course.

Finally, he got his knee to pop back into place. The sound was something I would rather not hear again. But after he got it "fixed" he was fine. He was able to get up and walk himself out of the woods. Which was quite a relief to me.

I went and got him an ice pack and after he had laid down, you know like 5 minutes after this had happened, I proceeded to tell him that "If you don't go to the Doctor about this knee, I am going to be very upset". This should make anyone want to go to the Dr. I mean, who wanteth the wrath of Marcie? Needless to say that is not what sweet J. needed to hear. Once again...wife of the year right here in the flesh.

Jamie recovered quickly and now is back to normal. We did, however, send the puppies to their rightful owner. We came home from church on Sunday and there was another one missing. Now there are seven puppies total. We called Maggie's owner and he came and got all of them. I was a little sad, but I know this is the best thing for them and obviously Jamie too.

Just so we all know, when faced with high pressure, painful situations with my husband. I will think of myself. everytime. Anyone care to nominate me for wife of the year?

It is quit possible that it has gone too far.....

2007-03-22T12:09:00.000-07:00

For those of you who don't know, my in-laws live right next door to us. It has been an adventure! We love them dearly and are excited to share things with them. I especially like to share my mother-in-laws food. Well, I guess I don't really share that, just eat it.

So a little while ago I was out sweeping the front porch off, trying to find any excuse to be outside enjoying this wonderful weather. My father-in-law came down with a huge plate of food for Maggie (the momma dog with the nine puppies who took residence in our dog house). Well, as he was leaving he said...

"Why don't ya'll come up for dinner tonight....we are having Mama Sue and Papaw over also (Jamie's grandparents)."

me: "Sure, we'd love to"

father-in-law: "We maybe can play cards afterwards"

me: "Well, that sounds like fun.....but we can't stay too long because the basketball tournaments are on tonight."

Yes...that actually came out of my mouth. What happened to me that I would rather sit and watch a basketball game than throw down on a mean game of Rook? I have lost my mind. I tell you whose fault this is....it's Jamie's. He had to go and bring me that bracket home. Now...all I can think about it winning.

A little side note- I was a cheerleader in high school and college...and couldn't tell you until three weeks ago what an offensive foul was. Seriously people, it has gone too far.

On a Serious Note....

2007-03-20T12:22:00.000-07:00

I have been thinking a lot lately (scary I know) about simplicity and solitude. My question has been "Is it really possibly to have a simple life and to find moments of silence and solitude in this crazy hustle and bustle world?"

Now, this question does go deeper. What is the point of desiring simplicity? Should we desire a simple life just because it is simple? Should we even desire it at all? What if that is "just not our personality"?

What are the practical applications of a "simple life"? What do we do when we are desiring solitude but we have demands that must be met?

These are all questions I have been pondering for the last week. I feel that my life has been a little hectic. I have been just floating through my days, busying myself with things that aren't of lasting importance. Now, I realize that the mundane tasks of our lives have to be done. I guess what I am really asking is why does the world disagree with simplicity and solitude? Even in Christian circles? Isn't this what we should be desiring?

Any thoughts or practical applications?

Add: The picture at the top is from our last trip to Guatemala. It always reminds me that I need to slow down and really think about my life and how I am living it. The Guatemalan life style is so simple. I really desire that. (Not to be Guatemalan, but the lifestyle!) So that is the reason for the picture.

I am Winning!

2007-03-17T15:27:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I realized that it's been a week since I last posted. I am sorry. Here is what has been happening in my life this week......

My friend had an almost ten pound baby. Not by C-Section. God bless her. She is, what my husband called, "a stud".

I had a yucky sinus infection. Coughing, sneezing, and snot galore made me a sight to see. Lucky Jamie. Still blowing my nose hourly. Thank the Lord for Tylenol P.M. It really has been my best friend this week. If non animate objects can be your friend that is. I feel that they can and I totally think drugs that make me sleepy qualify.

We still have nine puppies that we are taking care of. We went from 2 dogs to 12. No my adding is not wrong, we are taking care of the momma dog also. Just an hour ago we got them all out of the dog house for the first time. The are so cute and already getting so big!

Jamie, bless his little heart, is working in our bathroom. We moved into our house last August. Our master bathroom has yet to be tiled. So with a little nudging (or nagging) from me, he has begun the project. Tile is being laid as we speak (or as I type). Hallelujah.

The biggest news in the Autry house currently though is that I AM WINNING. Now, if you don't know me, I am a little bit competitive. I don't know how I acquired this trait considering I was not involved in sports in High School or college. But give me a board game and I will throw down. Victory or death is my motto on a game of Cranium, or any other game for that matter. So Jamie came home and the guys at his work all filled out brackets for the NCAA basketball tournaments going on. I talked him into bringing me one home. This was his first mistake. I filled out my brackets with no research, no previous knowledge of what teams should be picked. But, I am blowing them all out of the water. As of right now I am leading by four points. That means four picks. I just wanted all of the blogging world to know (or all 5 people who read my blog), that I AM WINNING. Thank you very much.

Here We Go Again

2007-03-09T14:20:00.000-08:00

Some of you might remember reading about all the dogs that we used to have at the double wide. Well, I fear that I might have spoken too soon about us being at a happy dog number.

Yesterday, our dog Rosco became a proud father.

It all began two months ago. There is a sweet little (she's actually huge) dog down the road named Maggie. Rosco noticed Maggie and began to follow her around. He is a very friendly dog, so we really didn't think that much of it. Then....he was in a frenzy. He would stay gone days on end. He wouldn't eat, he wouldn't come home, he laid outside of Maggie's house and would howl for hours. Oh the things we do for love.

Then, just as quickly as it began, it was sadly over. Rosco was back to his normal doggy self. We were, of course, glad to welcome him back home. No more trips in the middle of the night to get Rosco away from the neighbors house sounded great to us. And so all was well with the world again.

Now, we are not dumb people. We knew that there was a chance the Maggie would be pregnant. We just kept our fingers crossed that maybe it wasn't so. Hey...it's not always easy in the human world, maybe the same goes in the canine kingdom as well. But to our dismay she was indeed pregnant.

Jamie feels a slight bit of bitterness towards Rosco. He says that Rosco is "showing him up" by getting Maggie pregnant. I try to remind him that Rosco, is in fact, a dog and that it is perfectly normal to achieve pregnancy with NINE puppies on the first try.

That's right I said nine.

Guess where sweet little (huge) Maggie picked to be her shelter for her to give birth to her nine puppies? Yep. You guessed it....our house. We have a big dog house in the side yard and last night we came home to a house full. My theory is being proved over and over and over and over again. There is a sign which is only visible to the canine eye. This sign flashes over our house and says that we will indeed take care of any dog and whatever amount of puppies she has.

So here we go again. I sound like I am disappointed in all of this, but I must tell you, I have been outside checking on those sweet little things about 15 times today. Jamie and his crazy, animal loving family has rubbed of on me. I even asked Maggie's owner to let the puppies stay here a few more weeks before he moves them to his house. I, people, am a picture of craziness.

Anyone need a puppy?

It's a Sad Day

2007-03-08T06:51:00.000-08:00

I went to put on my favorite pants, that I wear all the time. Well, I had a hard time (cough, cough, sniffle, sniffle) getting them buttoned.

Needless to say, I am a person of few words today.

I think I heard "Taps" playing in the background.

I gotta go wallow in self pity and figure out how to get my pants to button. And eat that chocolate chip cookie that's calling my name. (Do you think that could be part of the problem?)

PARTEEE!!

2007-03-05T06:31:00.000-08:00

Hi! Thanks for stopping by my blog. I'm new to this bloggity blog world, so I wasn't even sure until yesterday what a "Mr. Linky" was. But I figured it out, took the plunge and now people are stopping by my blog. Yipee!

So here at this party put on your dancin' shoes, because that is what I like to do at parties ( and at home when no one is watching!) This one time I was cleaning, my TV was off and the sun was shining in my window, so I could see my reflection in the TV. WELL, when I clean I have the music blaring! So I had my vacuum in hand, dancing away, looking at myself in the TV reflection, when all of the sudden..... WAM. I had stubbed my toe on the ottoman.OUCH. I really should have been focusing less on trying to dance like Britney and more on my household chores.

This little blog was started to chronicle my husband and my journey to be parents. We have been struggling through infertility for the past two years and have just taken the plunge into adoption. We are thrilled. We are in the beginning stages, so we have a long road in front of us, but are putting on our running shoes!

There are crazy things that happen in our lives, so I also write about all those, shall we say, eventful occasions.

Anyway, thanks for stopping by. I can't promise you'll leave here enlightened, but you might get entertained by my crazy rantings!

Random Thoughts and I mean RAN DOM

2007-03-04T19:58:00.000-08:00

1. What exactly are chicken fingers?

2. If it weren't for Old Navy, I would be naked.

3. Why does my dog think that rolling in poop actually makes him smell better?

4. Banana Nut Crunch Cereal should be called magic in a box.

5. Anyone want to give a stab at how waffle fries came about?

6. I feel like conditioner really is better.

7. I really should concentrate on the road when driving instead of thinking these things.

8. I should not be allowed to have house plants.

9. Contacts really are amazing.

10. Why was an octagon chosen as the universal sign to stop?

11. I would like to give the guy a high five who named that planet Uranus. Seriously. That's funny.

Part 4 Life Lessons from a Double Wide: Exuse me...what was that?!?!

2007-02-27T12:27:00.000-08:00

It was a year after we had been married. A year of living in trailer bliss. A year before they started showing up.

It wasn't very noticeable at first. We would see a few droppings here, a few droppings there. Nothing major. Then all of the sudden we had a full blown, mouse infestation.

That's right people. I said MOUSE INFESTATION.

We would lay awake at night and you could hear the little beaded eyed monsters scurrying across the floor. I would lay awake at night because obviously I couldn't sleep out of fear that they would crawl up into the bed with me. Jamie, on the other hand had no problems sleeping. "It's just a little mouse" he would say. Just a little mouse my tale.

Now, I was raised in the country. A little known place called Cunningham. I lived in a log cabin, my high school was on a pond and had an Ag class that would ride out on a trailer pulled by a tractor to check on the schools cows. So I was accustomed to the small nuisances that would occasionally creep into our home. We would set a trap and that would be that. We wouldn't have to worry about it until the next one arrived.

So needless to say, I was quit shocked when we had to set 12 traps. We literally set 12 traps. We turned off all of the lights. Within minutes we heard....pat, swap, ca pow. 12 times to be exact. Each trap had gone off with in a five minute time span. One trap even caught two mice. I was MORTIFIED.

The mice got into our closet. This was a sad day on the Autry frontier. Numerous amounts of my clothes ruined again. Not only did I have to worry about our iron water ruining my clothes, now I had to worry about the mouse pee. Seriously. I didn't sign up for this. Just wait, it gets better.

Our big mice must have discovered a little place to make mousy love because the day came when we had baby mice. They would run out in front of us while we were watching TV at night. I have to admit that initially I thought the baby mice were sort of, in their own way, cute. But that at no way changed my opinion that we needed to get rid of them.

Did I mention that my husband is an animal FA REAK. He loves animals. See part 3 about all the dogs....all HIS idea. When Jamie saw these baby mice his initial reaction..."Let's catch them in a shoe box and put them outside." So that's what he did. Not thinking that they would make their way back in to the warm house. I was of no help because I was permanently lodged on top of the sofa. Cautiously avoiding my feet from touching the ground and screaming every time one ran out.

One day I was getting ready to go to work and I heard something in our bath tub. I looked over in it and saw this little baby mouse trying to get out. It was so tiny and cute. I was not going to touch it or try to maneuver it in any way, but I had to be at work. I didn't want that baby mouse to be in there all day without any food, so I had a brilliant idea to put a few pieces of dog food in the tub with the baby mouse. That's correct. I fed the mouse. What was Jamie doing to me? How had I turned into a person who would feed a mouse. A MOUSE.

We eventually had to put our foot down (Jamie had to put his foot down, I was still afraid to walk on the floor out of fear that one would scurry across my feet). Jamie made the trip to the CO OP to get some poison. He did ask the men at the store if they carried any sort of product that would get rid of the mice without actually killing them. Oh if I could have seen the looks on those big farmer guy's faces. They of course did not.

I think I failed to mention that it was summer during the over taking. A very HOT summer. So someone looking down on us must have thought that the mice infestation wasn't enough. Our air conditioning went out. In July. In Tennessee. In the middle of being over thrown by mice.

Now I don't know if you've ever experienced a truly foul smell before. But I will be the first to tell you that if this situation ever happens to you. Please smile, nod your head and take off running in the other direction. Mouse pee and poop in a trailer with no air conditioning in the middle of summer is something that can only be described as horrendous.

I remember thinking, "What have I done?". I was working as a camp counselor, so I was outside all day in the hot sun and I would come home in the evening to a hot house smelling of mice. It took THREE WEEKS to get our air fixed.

During that time Jamie and I tried to make the best of the situation. His parents had a little camper they put up on the land and it had air conditioning (and no mice). So we moved into that little thing for several nights. We hooked up the Nintendo and played Super Mario Brothers. What any other adult married couple would do.

Looking back now, I laugh at all the things we experienced in that trailer.

We did eventually get our water fixed two and a half years after we lived there. The poison worked on the mice. We tragically lost our dog Lady, which put us down to just two dogs. We got the tree removed from the back bedroom, but we never finished it before we moved! We built a house this past year. I can't say that I miss the trailer or that I'm sad that we moved. But I will say that it was an experience that I will never forget.

I really do believe that the whole trailer experience made me a much better person. I know it may sound silly, but I think God knew exactly what he was doing to break me of my shallow and high maintenance self. Jamie, bless his heart, was such a trooper and did his absolute best to always accommodate and make me happy. And who knew that he was right. The trailer was a good investment, we ended up making double of what we paid for it. I should learn to trust his judgment more often, even if its buying a double wide with a tree lodged in the back room!

adoption madness

2007-02-25T14:52:00.000-08:00

I started this blog to keep everyone posted on our adoption process. Here is the latest info on the Autry front.

We got a call from our adoption agency on Tuesday. She had received our application and was calling to schedule a meeting. We have a meeting scheduled for Tuesday at 6:00 (phone call chalked up to success.)

I'm sure I'll have lots to post after the meeting, because as of now I am still uncertain about how all of this works. So I'll keep you posted.

In the meantime, I have a girl name picked out, we are still discussing boy names. I lean a little towards names that are, shall we say, out there. I was bound and determined if it was a boy we should name him Israel. Jamie had to put his foot down. Needless to say, it is still up in the air. I feel that it is imperative to pick names out early. We do want lots of items embroidered. This is obviously of the utmost importance.

I have the color schemes picked out for each gender. I have already decided where each piece of furniture will go in the nursery. I am what you would call, a tee itty bit, EXCITED.

I have to run. I have to research parenting methods online. We might not have much time here people.

Land of the Lost Socks

2007-02-20T16:22:00.000-08:00

Dear Lost Sock in my Dryer-

Where have you gone? I was certain that you were with your twin when you entered the wash cycle. I know that I placed you into the dryer. Why did you not come out? We miss you.

Please write and tell us of the adventures that happen in the Land of the Lost Socks. I bet it is super fun there. It has to be, because numerous amounts of my sock halves make that trip. And they sadly, never return.

Do you have commitment issues? Is it too hard to stay with the same sock forever?

I don't expect an answer. But I will keep holding onto the hope that we will find you. Until then, I will keep your other half tucked away in my sock drawer, hoping that one day you will be joined again.

Part 3 Life Lessons from a Double Wide: It's a Doggy Dog World

2007-02-20T13:33:00.000-08:00

We adopted a puppy from the Humane Society before we got married. She was tiny. A sweet, furry ball of puppy delight. She fit snugly in the palms of my hands. My thoughts... "she is going to make the best little inside dog EVER".

Wrong.

The tiny puppy delight ended up growing into a 35 pound dog. She's cute. She's sweet. We love her, but I thought I was getting a lap dog. Let me rephrase that, I thought I was getting a lap dog that would actually fit in my lap.

I was satisfied with one dog. That's all I ever wanted. She would stay inside the trailer with us during the evening and during the day she could stay outside. It was a puppy's heaven. Land for miles and miles. She never had to worry about messing up the neighbors yard. His name is after all Greasy, and you could just imagine what his yard looked like. It was tastefully adorned with rusty old cars, an old fishing boat filled with aluminum cans, and three trailers (only one of which he lived in.) She was set. And so was I.

After we got moved in, we noticed two dogs who were always around. A big german shepherd and a big gray spotted dog. We realized that these were our other neighbors dogs. Well, ok, Menne would have some dogs to play with during the day. That would surely be fun. Little did we know these animals would make our front lawn their home.

Then there were three.

We had noticed a little brown dog who stayed around our house also. She was a skinny little thing and she only walked on three legs. Who wouldn't feel sorry for this sweet dog? She was very shy and didn't like coming to close to us. So what do we do? We start to feed her (that should make her go away). She would come a little closer each day. Finally she got to where we could pet her. She even started coming inside at night. She became known as "Lady".

We are up to four.

Unbeknownst to us, sweet little "Lady" was pregnant.

The big gray dog from next door was responsible for this small, shall I say, inconvenience.

Two months after we moved into our little piece of redneckville, Lady had 8 puppies. Your adding is correct.

That would be 12.

We were becoming like the little old Lady who lived in the shoe, except we lived in a trailer and instead of children, we had four legged canines (well... one only had three legs).

The puppies were an adventure. Lady would move them out of their doggy home each time before it stormed. We would come home and find them and move them all back. I must admit, I actually did enjoy taking care of the little puppies. We named each of them. There was: Wilbur, Rosco, Elvis, Wynonna, Sandy, Joe, Daisy, and Santa Clause. They became my after school play toys. I would come home each day and spend hours taking care of them. Well, I didn't really take care of them, Jamie did. I just played.

We ended up giving all of them away except for Wilbur and Rosco. We decided to keep them because we thought four dogs just wasn't enough for us.

That makes six.

I'm not sure if dogs can be mentally challenged. But in my experience, and I feel like I am highly qualified to speak on the matter, I would say Wilbur was what you would call...a little touched. Bless his heart, he had seizures as a puppy. He just was never right after that. That and the fact that our neighbor shot him in the head. That is a whole other story. But he survived it. One day we came home and he was just gone. We don't know what happened to ol Wilbur. But I like to think that he is on a farm somewhere making some little boy very happy. I'll keep on thinking that.

Back down to five.

That is the number that we stayed at for a long time. We had Menne, Lady, and Rosco who belonged to us. Then there was Max and Rebel who were the neighbors dogs but thought they really lived at our house.

It is a little known fact that people like to drop puppies off in the country. "The Grove" seemed to beckon people to do this. I am still convinced that we had a huge flashing sign shining over our house that read, "Stray puppies will be fed here if you drop them off". Because that is what happened. I can't even count the number of dogs that got dropped off at our house. But I have a sweet husband who always took them in, fed them, and found them homes.

Life Lesson #3: Animals need homes too.

All animals ,that is, except for mice.

French Fries are sent straight from Heaven

2007-02-19T06:25:00.000-08:00

I think that french fries should be in the running for the 8th Wonder of the World. They are so delicious. When you haven't had one for a while and you feel like splurging, nothing can quit compare to that first crunchy taste of salty goodness.

Have you ever noticed how someone else's fries always taste better than your own. Not that your own aren't a wonder to beheld, but when someone else has them, they just lure you in. You can't help but reach your hand over and grab one. But then it is so hard. Because you can't stop at just one. Your friend, or in my case...my husband, just looks at you as you have your mouth stuffed with five. All you can do is shrug your shoulders and say sorry. But in reality, your not sorry. You enjoyed every single salty minute of his fries.

I have never met a person that did not like french fries. This is one of the reasons I think they qualify for the 8th wonder. And if they say they don't like them, they are lying or are on a diet and have convinced themselves that "well maybe they're not that good." Just wait until the diet fails or they have a cheat day. I bet the first thing they go for is some hot, crunchy fries.

Now, one may argue over which restaurant has the best fries. I say...it doesn't really matter because I believe that they really are sent straight from Heaven. Anytime I am having a bad day or things aren't going my way...I remember that God did send us french fries and that is reason enough for me to smile.

The Beginning: Life Lessons from a Double Wide Part 2

2007-02-16T06:51:00.000-08:00

* see "The Beginning: Live Lessons from a Double Wide Part 1"

It was moving day.

Not the kind of moving where we pack up all our belongings and move in. It was the day that we moved the trailer. They actually picked it up from it's perch in trailer park heaven and drove it 20 miles to our little slice of land in, what came to be known as, The Grove.

A little background information on "The Grove". Jamie's parents had some land that they were going to let us "set" the trailer on. It was in the Grove. This is a special place. Far, far away from any form of normal functioning society. The man who lived in the house across the street was named Greasy. I promise you, I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried. There are no stop lights. One gas station/grocery store owned by someone who only goes by his initials. There is a post office and a pool hall/restaurant/church/hair salon (all in one building). We were going to fit right in with our double wide beauty.

We got the trailer moved successfully. It really is true what they say, "It ain't home 'till you take the wheels off." This now was our home. Help me Jesus.

The next several months were spent working as hard as we could to get it fixed up. And Lord did it need a lot of fixin. The first order of business was removing the LARGE TREE from the bedroom. My darling husband assured me that it was going to be great. We would make the back bedroom into a screened in porch. We would build a big deck off the back of the house. We would have lots of people over and grill out in the spring and summer. It truly was going to be spectacular. He had a way of putting things that made me somehow forget that it still was indeed a DOUBLE WIDE.

We did so much work to the inside. We painted, we put all new floors in, we scrubbed and cleaned until it almost looked like a real house.

We also had a wedding during all of this.

I know, I know...you're surprised that I still married him after he bought us a trailer. But I have to admit, I do think he is the sweetest man to walk the face of the planet. Even if he did have a temporary lapse in judgment.

Two months after the wedding, we finally got to move in. Everything seemed to be going smoothly until I washed the first load of whites in my new washing machine. They came out adorning brown and orange streaks. How was that possible? I followed the instructions that my mom had given me. I did everything that I was supposed to do. What had happened?

My clothes were RUINED.

I was mortified. I had just embraced the fact that I was going to be doing all of my own laundry (high maintenance...remember). Now, somehow my washing machine was turning my clothes colors. My precious, expensive clothes (I was still wearing the clothes my mother had purchased for me...therefore they were expensive, the wardrobe changed dramatically when I started buying my own clothes.) Well what had happened you may ask? I tell you what happened. Not only did my clothes turn colors from the water....

but.....sigh.....my hair also turned red.

RED. Red like Chuck Norris in Walker Texas Ranger.

Yes it did.

It didn't happen all at once. But ever so slowly the blond started fading away and I had a full head of rusty red hair. The funny part is, Jamie's hair was the exact same color. It's like we were living in an episode of the Beverly Hillbillies, but we had struck RUST instead of oil.

I had the water tested.

Iron and I know you're not going to believe it.....Sulfur. That's right. We had sulfur water. And I had been blaming that smell on Jamie.

In the next few months we did all that we could to fix the problem. But I failed to mention that when we got married, we had $500 to our names. We spent that on the honeymoon. We were broke, living in a double wide, had rusty hair, and everything our water touched turned dingy. So needless to say there wasn't much we could do to fix the problem. We did get the Sulfur part taken care of. But the iron was there to stay. And this was the element that was causing all of the color mishaps.

Life Lesson Number 1:
Learn to see humor in every situation. Even if you can't control the color of your hair, you live in a double wide, are broke, and you can't replace your rusty clothes with new ones.

Life Lesson Number 2:
Husbands make BIG mistakes. We must forgive them.

I was seeing the humor, was ever so slowly letting go of my obsessions with my looks, was getting used to the fact this was our life. I had forgiven Jamie and we were actually starting to enjoy our little mobile home.

Then....the dogs started showing up.

The Beginning: Life Lessons From a Double Wide Part 1

2007-02-15T07:43:00.000-08:00

I must admit something to you.

I used to be considered....well....what you would call "High Maintenance". It's true. I used to clap when I got excited, shriek when something scared me,I loved attending to my hair, buying and wearing make up, I even....I must admit....giggled. I loved to go shopping, dressing up was an event that I greatly looked forward to. Growing up, my Barbie collection was envied by many a nine year old girl. I took dance lessons and I LOVED tutu's (ok...so some things might not have changed that much.) I was a cheerleader and I enjoyed painting my nails. I have even been known to say the word "like" several times in any given sentence. So...what has changed you may ask. I contribute the change to life lived in a double wide.

It all started after Jamie popped the big question. Not the question you may be thinking. That came before this dreadful event. The question was..... "I bought us a house! Is that ok?". Now imagine my excitement when my finance called and said he bought us a house. I was thrilled. I shrieked. I clapped my hands and giggled. I even jumped up and down. It truly was a glorious occasion. But my small shallow mind could not fathom what the next words out of his mouth would be.

"It's a double wide".

Silence.

I do believe that in that very moment my entire world stopped. I was breathing but the people around me were frozen. The wind quit blowing. The birds quit chirping. My mouth stood agape. My phone slipped ever so slowly from my hand. My mind was screaming "HE BOUGHT US WHAT?!?!?!".

Jamie went on to say that is was a good investment. He had gotten a good deal on it because a tree had fallen in on one of the bedrooms.

"DID HE SAY TREE!"

Yes that's right ladies. A tree. In one short conversation my dreams, my world had suddenly fallen apart. Gone was my white house with a white picket fence. Gone was the comfort of not running to a storm shelter when a storm came. Gone were all the images I had imagined that my first years of marriage might hold. How could I possibly pick out linens to go in a DOUBLE WIDE? How could I possibly entertain in a trailer? How could I possibly....gasp.....tell my friends about my new house? (I use the word house loosely here.)

The day came when Jamie decided he wanted to take me to the trailer park where the double wide was currently sitting. Yes, I said TRAILER PARK. We pulled up, and on first glance, I must admit that it wasn't as bad as the images I had conjured up in my head. THEN we walked inside. The walls were adorned with a light blue and navy blue custom printed sheet rock. It is my understanding that this is only available in trailers. Lucky us. The curtains that were hung also shared the same blue color. They were akin to what you might see hanging in an Arizona roadside gas station restaurant. I can't even begin to describe the mirrors that were hanging over the garden tub in the master bathroom. All I will say is that they were imprinted with a, shall we say, southwestern design. Something else that is made specifically for trailers. Who knew that trailers were so special that there were companies who actually made custom designed sheet rock, mirrors, and glorious chair rails (I can't even begin to describe this one). All I knew is that whoever got paid to design these things needed to seriously consider another profession.

I stood there. Glancing around. Taking everything in. This was our house. OH MY GOODNESS. THIS WAS OUR HOUSE. shriek,. Shriek. SHRIEK.

After I had wiped away all of my tears. I decided that we could make this work. We would have to , of course, redo every single thing inside the double wide. Not to mention the enormous tree that was lodged in the back bedroom. But with a lot of hard work. I thought. That maybe it could be possible. That it could be done. Realistically, I knew that it would take nothing short of God sending his most glorious miracle for me to ever be comfortable or happy about living in a double wide.

Top 10 Reasons I'm ok with Not getting pregnant!

2007-02-13T09:02:00.000-08:00

10. Stretch marks
9. morning sickness (or all day sickness!)
8. I've seen how big 12 centimeters is. Ouch.
7. Mood swings (I have enough of these as is)
6. uncontrollable bladder
5. Epidural (although I think I could like that part)
4. Episiotomy... need I say more
3. Seriously I don't think my boobs need to get any bigger.
2. Jamie had an abnormally large head as an infant....I don't have to explain my reasoning here

and the number one reason I'm ok with not getting pregnant.....

1. The fear of pooping while giving birth. I don't have to lay awake at night worrying about this anymore!

If you want me to

2007-02-12T17:17:00.000-08:00

The pathway is broken
And the signs are unclear
And I don't know the reason why you brought me here
But just because you love me the way that you do
I'm gonna walk through the valley
If you want me to

Cuz I'm not who I was
When I took my first step
And I'm clinging to the promise you're not through with me yet
So if all of these trials bring me closer to you
Then I will go through the fire
If you want me to

It may not be the way I would have chosen
When you lead me through a world that's not my home
But you never said it would be easy
You only said I'll never go alone

So when the whole world turns against me
And I'm all by myself
And I can't hear you answer my cries for help
I'll remember the suffering your love put you through
And I will go through the valley
If you want me to

These are lyrics from a Ginny Owens song. It really puts into words the emotions, feelings, experiences I've had over the last several months. I just wanted to share this beautiful song.